What 2003 Has Meant To Me...

By the time I finish this entry there will be about 6 hours left before the new year, 2004. Geez, every time I've attempted to finish a complete thought and type up an entry about the year I get distracted somehow (by fatigue or laziness, familial duties, or friends who call to ask what the big deal is about Lord of the Rings...by the way Cheryl, it's GANDALF, not RANDOLF...ha ha ha...THAT KILLS ME!!). Anyhow, before the rest of my family starts pouring in to ring in the new year, I've managed to steal a few moments to myself to do some pondering.

What did I get out of 2003? I'll tell you what I DIDN'T get...more money. I tell you, as much as I deny it, I can be an awful spender. In fact, my new year's resolution for 2004 is not to lose weight (it's a losing battle i need to figure out a more effective strategy to), but to take heed of my excessive spending. I'm reminded sporadically by mom and dad that Tin's high school tuition will not be met by only them, but by me as well. Hence, therefore, thus, my new digital video cam will have to wait. I'm DETERMINED to pay off at least one of my major credit cards this year. Small steps...

So what did I LEARN from 2003? I think the most significant lesson I've been taught this year is letting go. From January to especially this month, I've had to learn to let go of people, bad experiences, feelings and weaknesses. I know I've set a lot of limits on myself, especially the amount of emotion I choose to reveal. A retreat I attended at the beginning of the year helped me realize how much I had been holding in and how important it was that I let go. It's still a hardship I carry but I've learned to deal with it better, although there is much to work on.

I've learned a lot about letting go from people around me. Break-ups have been prevalent these last couple of years. And when they occur between friends, it's not only hard on the people who have undergone the break-up, but also difficult for the friends who have come to witness and become accustomed to that relationship. It's hard to see those close to you suffer so mercilessly at their loss. You sit there and listen to them cry and talk for hours over how it went wrong. You feel helpless and wish it had never happened. But then you see or talk to them after awhile, and you suddenly look at them differently. Perhaps they're not the same person they were and maybe they're still feeling sad or confused inside. But you realize that as hard as it is for them to let go, they will eventually and completely loosen their grip on that one part of their lives in order to hold on to another venture no matter who or what it is. Letting go of one thing only allows you to embrace another.

Letting go of people...Jhoette came here to visit for 3 months after having been gone a year. We cherished every minute we got to spend with him. He came in March and in a blink of an eye, it was May and he had to head back to the Philippines. A week later, Carlo followed him. One can only be so lucky to find such friends as Jhoette and Carlo. To say good-bye is the worst thing to have to say, even if it's not forever (at least we hope). We cry not only because we hate to see them go, but we worry for their safety and livelihood. In the end, we know they've departed to follow a dream or to escape a reality and I can only sing words of praise for their courage to do so...My beloved nephew and his parents have moved about 6-7 hours away. Their departure, although well-intended, has brought many of us to bitter sadness and longing. We missed the baby's first Christmas and first entrance into the new year and I can hardly decribe the emptiness that hangs like fog over this family because of this. But I know there are reasons beyond my help and understanding of why this is happening. I just pray that no matter what, my nephew's best interest is at hand always...My grandfather, Papang, who would've celebrated his 80th birthday today, has passed on and the only light I'm forced to see in these few weeks of darkness is that he is no longer suffering. He has been the hardest thing for me to let go of because he's really gone. When I visit the Philippines next he won't be there and it's something I have yet to accept.

Weaknesses....GET BEHIND ME SATAN! Unhealthy being that I've managed to become this year, giving up on things I love must be put under control or I'll kill myself. This year I resolve to take control of my life by putting the unhealthiest of aspects at bay. Healthy eating and regular excercise is a must so as to attain my rightful shape (inside and out). Most important goal this year? Cut back on superfluous spending. If not, my ulcer will surely burst everytime I sit down to do bills.

So that's me in 2003. I wish everyone a wonderful New Year's Eve and pray that 2004 will treat you better if this year didn't. If 2003 was excellent to you, then I hope 2004 is just as kind if not kinder. GOD BLESS!!

Testing

Hey I thought that since I post albums on shutterfly I could share them with ya'll. So click on the HALLOWEEN link to the right and see if it works. Thanks kids!

As the Jingle Bells Fade...

Here we are, no more than 2 days before the end of another year. We can use up all the colloquialisms we can think of related to the passage of time ("Oh how times flies...Like sands through the hour glass"...you know what I mean), but I don't think we can ever really explain time's expedience. Where DOES all that time go? For a second I was a 5 year old child being pulled on a wagon by my classmate; then a new big sister at 12 years old; all of a sudden I'm a college graduate and NOW, all my friends and cousins are getting engaged or getting married! aaaaaahhh...are we there?...

...random...cheryl and i are on the phone right now talking about dvd's and our fetish for them. we both agree that it has reached an out of control level. When you're holding a dvd in your hand at Best Buy and you can't figure out if you've already bought it, then you know you've made it to the point of no return. ha ha ha...i'm tired, time for bed...

Getting to know...
MELISSA MARIE DAWA aka ISA or ISE
Vitals: I met Isa in Terry's dorm our freshman year at UCI. But it wasn't until we had to share the physical and emotional load of PCN coordinatorships that we realized our compatibility = 7 years and counting
Role in my Life: Sympathetic Confidante - For some reason, Isa always seems to know exactly how I'm feeling and why before I can utter one word or channel any inkling of emotion. Some people search endlessly for the right words to say to those who need assurance. Fortunately for me and anyone who knows her, giving comfort is Isa's forte.
Good Times: Isa used to walk into our apartment, pillow and blanket under her right arm, backpack hanging from her left shoulder, talking on her cellphone for about 10-15 minutes. When she's done, THEN she says HELLO. Oh yeah, she didn't live with us, but she might as well have. She slept at our place at least 3-4 times a week.
In her own words: “I don't really like her." (Who Ise?) "Jessica SAMPSON."

Playing Catch Up...

That's what I'm gonna do right now. I seriously haven't checked my e-mail since the afternoon of December 24! Suffice it to say, I've been occupied even moreso since then, driving to and from places, greeting people, blah blah blah...So here is my meager attempt...

When Reality Strikes, It Strikes Hard...

My mom came home from the Philippines on tuesday night, December 23rd armed with the typical balikbayan box filled with goodies for everyone. For a split second I forgot what she went back there for in the first place cuz she brought so much stuff with her; underwear (SO-EN baby!), polvoron, bags, bracelets and necklaces from my uncles, aunts, cousins and lolas. I was more than overwhelmed and extremely grateful. My aunts, uncles and cousins found the time and money to send us christmas gifts at such a fragile time and I was just so touched. One of my cousins wrote me a heartfelt letter saying he wishes my sister and I were there with them, and after looking through the pictures my mom came home with, I was indeed filled with tears at the realization that my grandfather had died and I wasn't there to bury him with the rest of my family. A pang of guilt still resides within and it's something I'm afraid I will carry with me for a very long time.

It was about a week after my mom had left when it really dawned on me what had happened. In the midst of trying to get everything done, in the middle of doing what my mom was supposed to do, I lost myself. The news of my grandfather's death had come so suddenly and we had to act to quickly to get my mom home that I didn't give myself anytime to mourn. It had been a week since we found out. I was sitting at my desk with phones ringing left and right, people asking me to do things and me trying to keep up when I caught myself in a state of vertigo...I just got dizzy. So I ran to the bathroom and cried for 20 minutes. It had finally hit me; your grandfather's gone, Anna, and you're sitting in your office trying to enter 80 financial contracts into the computer. It made me hate everything and everyone around me and I was so ready to walk into my boss's office, yell I QUIT and storm out.

I hadn't felt so angry and so overwhelmed and so alone in so long. I just wanted to scream TO HELL WITH EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING! But you all know me, I'd never do that. So for the rest of the day I sulked. The crying, although cleansing, didn't feel thorough enough, so I figured I had to wait until the next breakdown to feel better. But then came Monday...

Kind Words...

Monday, December 22, I read an e-mail from a good friend who sounded like she needed someone to talk to so I called her right after work. We talked about her dilemma for awhile and then she asked, "Anna, how are YOU?" And for some reason I felt better, maybe because it sounded like she really meant it, like she really didn't mind taking time from her day to see if I was okay. She listened to me intently for half an hour and it was then that something inside felt better. I told her everything I was feeling and she didn't just grunt blank "uh huh's." I knew she cared and after that I actually began to take some time to deal with things happening around me. Thanks Isa!

CAN'T BREATHE...

I have so much stuff to write about but seriously I've been suffocating just a tad. I can't wait to sit and type though cuz hey, there's no outlet for emotion like writing. I saw Return of the King this weekend, my cousin just proposed to his girlfriend, etc. Maybe l'll find some time later...

Getting to know...

ALAN BENEDICT BASILAN aka ALAN
Vitals: Cousins since he was born in 1979, but we met December 1993 = 24 years and counting (Ben’s older brother)
Role in my Life: Model of Pure Contentment – Alan is seriously the “chillest” person I know and I’ve never (knock on wood) seen him overreact about ANYTHING. He always seems to see the brighter side of life’s inconsistencies and I wish someday soon I can be the same.
Good Times: Driving to and from Charlotte, NC to UNC Chapel Hill in the middle of a snowstorm talking about anything and everything.
In his own words: “Everyone keeps asking me if I’m nervous about proposing. I guess I would be…if I just didn’t love her so much.” (on his new fiancé Stephanie)

Getting to know...

HERNAN RUBEN BASILAN aka BEN
Vitals: Cousins since he was born in 1980, but we met December 1993 = 23 years and counting
Role in my Life: Calm and Collected Supporter - One of the most intelligent and intuitive people I know, soft-spoken high school counselor-to-be Ben knows what to say, when to say it, and when to just listen.
Good Times: Back in 2000, we went to Vegas with the family but Ben wasn't 21 yet. So we greased the 21 & over wristband his older brother was wearing so HE could wear it, just so we could walk around the casino and play slots until 3 am.
In his own words: (To be spoken in a female, Filipino tone of voice like his mom's. I ALWAYS fall for this when he calls!) "Hello Leng! Kamusta ka na. Dis is Auntie Grace."

Gratitude

I just want to thank everyone who has sent their condolences to me and my family. I can't tell you how much all of your comforting words and prayers have meant to us, especially me. My mom left for the Philippines the very same evening we found out about my grandfather's death and I've spoken to her a few times already. She sounds a little out of sorts still but I know she's dealing with it the best way that she can.

Thank you so much all of you! Our loss would have been far more difficult to deal with if not for your support. God Bless you all!

This Christmas...

It's 10:45 am right now and I'm at home, not sick...not ditching...just mourning. My grandfather in the Philippines passed away today. It's only been 2 hours since I found out and it's felt like 2 days. I got a text from my uncle as we were getting ready to head for the office: "Leng, Iniwan na tayo ni Papang"..."Papang has left us." I haven't been put in this position in a while and crying, you would think, would be the first thing I'd want to do, but I just went numb. After telling my mom to call the Philippines all the fear I had been anticipating since we last saw my grandfather had come crashing through. He was gone.

The last time I saw Papang was in August of 2001 when my family and I went home to the Philippines for 2 weeks. I hadn't seen him since I was four so our meeting, suffice it to say, was daunting. He looked so different since I left him 19 years ago, thinner, older, weaker. It was hard to imagine the airforce colonel I left in 1982. When I was a little girl I used to love when he came home from being away on duty. I vaguely remember him in his khaki uniform coming up the stairs after months in Davao or Tawi-Tawi, ready to talk to his then only granddaughter. And then I left for the states and suddenly he became someone we would call every so often to greet HAPPY BIRTHDAY or MERRY CHRISTMAS. And as the years went on, so did his health.

Eversince we got back here from our vacation there I've been dreading every phonecall from back home. Knowing that in his condition, his departure from our lives was forthcoming. And now it's happened and more than ever I just want to sit and talk to him, tell him that as far away as we had moved, and as long as we had been gone, I had never forgotten him. The only comfort I'm finding in all this sadness is that Papang is no longer suffering. As cliche was it sounds, I know in my heart he's much stronger, much better and in a more glorious place than anywhere his earthly life had ever taken him. I just wish I could have said Good-Bye and I love you...

Distance

It's 1:15 am and I was SO ready to hop into bed 45 minutes ago, but I saw Jhoette online and I just had to talk to him for a little bit. It was hardly a conversation to measure up to any of our famous all-nighters, but when a good friend is thousands of miles across the ocean, getting a 5-10 minute exchange of words means a whole lot. I miss having friends like Jhoette and Carlo around.

Friendships are very, how shall I put this...complex, as I've witnessed over and over again. There are times in a person's livelihood when friends are merely the social actors in one's theater of life; the role players designated for extracurricular activities outside of family. But as the years progress, as the production gets older, one starts to realize the value of key thespians in the play who do no less than give your story substance. Sooner or later the social role players not only exist to provide company in the face of frolic, but to offer support and strength in the face of criticism.

When you have found ONE dependable actor in your own productions of life, you couldn't be more blessed. I've been lucky to find quite a few and am saddened to also have lost a few. Finding friends is easy. It's keeping them that's the hard part.

Getting to know...

CECILE MARIE FORTUN TECSON aka C-CIL
Vitals: Met December 1994 at the Daniel Murphy Winter Formal, roommates for 4 years @ UCIrvine = 9 years and counting
Role in my Life: Motivator – “Anna just do it…Anna just go…Anna just tell him” Whenever I’m in a bind, this is the answer I get from this girl and sometimes it’s exactly what I need to hear.
Good Times: Sitting on a ski lift 25 ft above snow, I’m gripping the chair cuz I’m terrified of falling and Cile wants to have a moment!
In her own words: "ANNA...REVOLVING...TONIGHT...MY TREAT!" (Cile's voicemail to me one evening)

Have Faith

If you've spoken to me at all this week, you probably got to witness the dormant outrage that lives within me. I think I'm a relatively patient person, and as much as I can, I will stand back and let my fellow humans be the erroneous beings that they are (not that I'm excluding MYSELF from falibility) and say nothing. But hurt me or something close to me and it's SO over!

Everyone knows that my camera and I are like a couple. I LOVE MY CAMERA!! But I had to bring it in to Best Buy to get fixed because the shutter wasn't opening all the way. Glad that I had bought a warranty for free repairs and maintenance, I set out to the electronic superstore the week before thanksgiving, November 20 to make use of my $60. The invoice they gave me read: "SCHEDULED COMPLETION DATE: November 26. Too busy during thanksgiving weekend to pick it up, I decided to wait until Monday, December 1 to call in and let them know I was coming to pick up my camera. 1:15 pm, I call Best Buy and the customer service guy says that he can't find in the computer that the camera had arrived. Knowing that there might be delays, I say OK, and decided to call again the next day. "I'm sorry ma'am," the girl says, "But I don't see that your camera has been returned to us yet." A little upset, I tell her how long ago I dropped it off and that it was scheduled to be ready on November 26. She apologized, yada yada yada, and knowing that she has no control over this, I let it slide until Wednesday. I speak with another young lady who says that my camera may have been dropped off on november 20th, but it wasn't physically sent to the vendor until NOVEMBER 24TH!!! So here I am, ticked off as hell that they would send the camera to be fixed 2 days before the completion date they typed onto the invoice AND THEN she had the nerve to say, "well ma'am, the date is really just an estimate. It won't always be ready by then." THEN PUT ESTIMATED COMPLETION DATE DUMBASSES NOT SCHEDULED! And then she goes on to say that there is a UPS tracking # in the computer but she doesn't know if that's for an incoming or outgoing package. I reprimand her for a few minutes and midway into her, "Thank you for calling Best--" I banged the receiver onto the phone rest. I was too busy on thursday to deal with it so on Friday afternoon, I decided to go to Best Buy MYSELF and complain in person. The tech guy looks my invoice up in the computer, heads to the cabinets to look for my camera, talks to ANOTHER tech guy to help him understand what the computer is saying (TECH GUYS? really?) and then says, again, that the UPS tracking # doesn't indicate incoming or outgoing so he suggested I use their phone to call the customer service line. The guy puts me on hold for 10 minutes, then asked to talk to the tech guy, then advised that he would call the vendor the camera was sent to and by this time i am 5 minutes past my lunch and I still have to drive back to the office. So I give the guy on the phone my number at work and storm out of Best Buy ready to slap the first person I see wearing a royal blue shirt and khakis. I get to work and I have a voicemail message from the customer service guy I spoke with 10 minutes earlier and he says that the vendor is already closed so maybe I should call them on Monday to check the status of my camera. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! For the rest of my workday that afternoon I was speechless and spent.

So I head to the 5:30 mass at Holy Family Church and Father Maurice's homily was all about having faith; having faith that bad things will happen, having faith that they happen for a reason, and having faith that they will be resolved in due time if we just let it go and let what's supposed to happen, happen without getting so upset at everything that comes to us thereafter. After I got home that evening from a rockin' JC Chasez concert at the House of Blues (more details to come), I went to bed and laid everything that happened this week to rest. My camera was somewhere and worst case scenario, they lost it and will replace it. I personally couldn't do anything about the situation but complain and be upset and I was so sick of being that way that I decided to let it be and have faith that it would be okay in the end. All I was sad about was the fact that I wouldn't have it for a christmas party saturday night. Oh well, I said. It's cool.

I was eating breakfast the next morning, Saturday and my grandfather comes in and hands me this thing wrapped in foam paper and bubble packaging. "Here, this was put into our mailbox by mistake yesterday." It was my camera. My first reaction was, "HELLO! Does Best Buy really not know the procedures involved with situations like this?" Then I realized I had my dear digicam in my hand and I shut my mouth. It didn't matter anymore.

Moral of the story: Overreacting will get you nothing but unnecessary anxiety and agitation, which never helps in any situation. Sometimes you just have to have faith that things will be okay in the end. Life is so much calmer when I'm not angry and annoyed. Faith; I'd forgotten all about it.

"But hey, that's what we do."

This is something that someone I know will say to me every single time he'd like to make a comment and not be chastised for it. Joe-freakin'-Carlos, this one's for you. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I tried to get Hillary Duff to do a special performance for when Joe got home from work today, but apparently she's on tour. Next year we'll try again...

Getting to know...

CHRISTINE P. LLAMAS aka ATE
Vitals: Met in 1982 when I was in kindergarten and she was a 2nd grader at St. Francis; went to the same high school and same college, roommate for 1year = 20 years and counting
Role in my Life: Big Sister I Never Had – Ate knows me inside out. We can practically read each other's minds and she’s probably my #1 supporter. But when it's time to set me straight, she makes it known in the gentlest way possible.
Good Times: Ditching class and driving to Big Bear at 5:30 am at an attempt to see *NSYNC at MTV’s Snowed-In. She got some airtime but, sadly, the boys weren’t scheduled to appear until the next day.
In her own words: “My tears are crying" (drunk Tin-Tin)


If Procrastination Were a Major...

I'd graduate Magna Cum Laude. This whole weekend, from the Wednesday before Thanksgiving to Sunday night, I've been occupied in the head thinking of all the things I know I have to get done. I have to finish my accounting homework, I have to study for my quiz on Tuesday night, I have to finish my accounting project, etc. So with all these things in mind, I came home last night, ready to get to business, picturing the joy and relief I will feel when I finish that project days before it's due. So after a wholeday affair of family bonding, I walk upstairs...and cleaned the bathroom, then proceeded to organize my giftwrapping bin. Oh, I finished my homework...at like 11:35 pm! I came home at 8! Terrible! And I was all reprimanding my sister last night for lagging on her high school application to my dear alma mater! I should be one to talk. Well, I just don't want her to end up like me that's all. =)

So after work today, I PROMISED myself that I was going to do everything I planned. But 'lo and behold, what awaited me on the coffee table? A box from the Disney catalog and what was inside? The PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN dvd!!!!!!!!! It isn't even released until tomorrow but Ate (featured in this week's GETTING TO KNOW YOU series) pre-ordered it for me as a Christmas gift! YOU'RE AWESOME ATE THANKS!!! So you can imagine how the wheels in my head began to turn in another direction as my plans to study begin to vaporize...again. Well, I haven't done any studying yet, but it's because my nephew was here for an hour to visit so I had a good excuse.

However, I refuse to give in to the procrastination any longer so I'll go and work on that project and study for that quiz. Besides, I have to get up early tomorrow because I'm making up time for a 90 minute lunch to go to my sister's parent-teacher conference. My dad can't get out of work and my mom, well, she can't drive so they've asked me to go. Interesting...we'll see what happens. Until next time....

Gracias!...Merci!...Salamat!...Thank You!

Thanksgiving day for me is typically comprised of morning mass, helping out with the meal preparations, entertaining family and of course...EATING! I love eating! IT'S SO AWFUL! But I couldn't help it. Our thanksgiving table was adorned with the best food my family could provide; turkey, spaghetti, pad siyew, baked salmon, popeye's chicken, etc. you know, Filipino thanksgiving food.

But the best part of my day would have to be looking after my nephew, Kelsoe. He's 7 months now! So big is he, crawling, standing up, and chattering away what sounds like gibberish to me but must mean so many things to him. He fell asleep while I was feeding him yesterday afternoon and as sore as my arm was getting, I SO didn't care cuz I love this baby so much.

Ok, I'm a bit tired so I'm gonna end this now before I get really carried away. I spent part of the day helping my aunt decorate her house for Christmas and the rest helping my parents and my uncle paint our living room, and then playing taxi for my sister. My neighborhood is so chaotic this time of year because I live behind the mall. Seeing all that traffic got me even more fatigued. Until next time, I hope everyone had an excellent thanksgiving!

Rude Awakening

Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real that you could feel your heart beating, hear yourself breathing and feel someone's touch? This has happened to me all too often and I get so frustrated when I wake up because it wasn't real. It happened to me again Sunday night. I won't disclose the details of the dream but I woke up Monday morning and said, "I KNEW IT! OF COURSE IT WAS A FREAKIN' DREAM!"

Well, I'm a dreamer and a thinker. I have an ultra-active imagination and I've overanalyzed practically everything about my life (and probably some other people's lives too). I go lie and think about at least 10 things before i finally fall asleep, and then I wake up thinking some more. It's really no wonder I have the dreams that I do!! I just wish that sometimes I could catch a break and not have to wake up from something that felt perfect. Maybe tonite it'll be different...How Anna? Apparently I wish to live in my dreams forever...hmm...we'll see...

***NEW FEATURE***

I just got an idea folks. When we were taking US History during our sophomore year at IH, our teacher, Mr. West used to give us a WONDERFUL WOMAN of the WEEK to learn about. So every week I’ve decided to do a variation and introduce or re-acquaint you all with the people in my life through the GETTING TO KNOW YOU series. You know the saying, “tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are?” Well, maybe this’ll give you all more insight into why I am the way I am if you know who I’m related to and who I’m friends with. That way, if you don’t like me, then you know who to blame…hee hee hee…Let's see who the first victim is...

Getting to know...

ROCHELLE T. GALACE aka BOBBERS
Vitals: Met in 1982 at my aunt and uncle’s party and had scattered meetings for a couple years, then lost touch until we became classmates for 4 years at Immaculate Heart High School = 20 years and counting
Role in my Life: Unconditional Supporter – If all I need is a kind word of comfort or someone just to be on my side, this is my girl.
Good Times: Lugging around our Poochie (remember that cute pink dog?) collectibles when we were tinier tots =)
In her own words: “69? Does that mean there are positions 1-68?”

ChILLIN’ Again…

Last night, Iya, Randy, Bobbers, Joe, Riann and I had dinner at Noodle World in Pasadena then treated ourselves to an evening of original music at McMurphy’s. I finally got to see ILL AGAIN perform and now I fully understand the hoopla that surrounds these guys. I’m no hip-hop connoisseur but I know what’s pleasing to the ear and their music really was. A 6-member band consisting of 2 guitarists (1 bassist), a drummer, a multi-faceted instrumentalist and 2 emcees, they filled the room with a solid following bobbin’ their heads to the beat of their sounds. Exceptional lyricists, their set was nothing short of unique and I do look forward to seeing them perform again.

What made the night even more happening was seeing our high school classmate, Jimelle. We haven’t seen her in 2 years and it was great seeing such a familiar face in the crowd. Catching up with old friends is always fun. I think the comedic moments of the evening were,. by and large, the dancing showcase of 3 women. One lady, who was dressed like a stewardess and was easily 40+ was by the stage, drink in hand, shakin’ her booty to the DJ. And then there were these two other gals who were dancing so furiously (I don’t know why, the music wasn’t that fast-paced) and they were literally bumping in to everyone around them. Randy and I were so ready to be like, “Will you please calm down? You’re all up in our space!” but we didn’t. We’re not squabbers.

Ok, time to get back to work. I keep forgetting I’m here. Which reminds me, did you guys read that article in blogspot about blogging at work? Ha ha ha…hilarious!

"You're Justh Jealousth" - Mark Wong

yeah, i was jealous today and let me tell you why. so before we get our midterms back our teacher gives us this whole lecture about if you haven't done well in this class, please consider dropping and taking it again or study harder and do extremely well on the final, etc. so all of us are thinking, "oh crap, we must've done horribly on the midterm for her to be talking like that." so she goes on to say that we all did fairly well, and out of a possible 200 points, one person got a perfect score + the extra credit making their score 205 points! no it wasn't me (i wish). it was IYA!!! (sorry randy. i only got 185.5/200. i haven't upped iya ONCE this semester. i know you're disappointed in me. hee hee hee...) so yeah, IYA GOT A FREAKIN' PERFECT SCORE ON THE MIDTERM AND SHE GOT THE EXTRA CREDIT POINTS SHE DIDN'T EVEN NEED CUZ SHE'S GETTING LIKE AN A+ IN THE CLASS!!!!!!! AND THEN, when we were going over the test i'm writing in corrections with a black pen to study for later and iya turns to offer me her red pen. WHY CUZ YOU DON'T NEED IT MISS I GOT A HUNDRED? WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY IT! YOU SUCK AT ACCOUNTING ANNA! hee hee hee...THIS IS FUN! (randy where are you when i need to gang up on iya?) hee hee hee... i'm just playing, girl, friend.

but oh, what a geek! =) no, in all honesty, this girl is the only person i've been extremely jealous of since the day we met but can't help loving to death. why is this? maybe cuz she doesn't flaunt her success with everything in my face (except for the red pen incident that is...i'm kidding, i'm kidding). anyhow, i made a lot of careless mistakes on that exam. i second-guessed myself in practically all of the items i got wrong. never again. always go with your 1st choice!

ok that's it. i've made 3 different entries today. i might not have anything more to blog about at work tomorrow if i continue this.

WHO NEEDS NAPSTER WHEN YOU’VE GOT ATE CYN?

Last night I went to bed kinda late. No, I wasn’t studying or doing homework or suffering from insomnia. Actually, I was chatting online with Ate Cyn cuz she was transferring Britney’s new cd via AIM to me. I swear I don’t think Ate Cyn’s bought a cd since downloading music over the internet or cd burning was made possible. So ummm…1999 then? Thanks again Ate Cyn! Same time tonight? Hee hee hee…

I’m listening to the Britney cd at work right now. I’d have to say it’s not the best cd I’ve ever heard but it’s one of her better ones. I’m not really listening to anything she’s singing but the beats are pretty phat, very danceable. There IS this one song that I listened real carefully to though, #12…don’t know what it’s called, let me go check…oh it’s called Everytime. And she’s all “my weakness caused you pain.” Hmmm…wonder who she’s talking to. I guess it’s kind of a response to Justin’s Never Again cuz he said something about her not even saying sorry and she DOES say sorry in this song. Am I really analyzing this? I apologize but I LOVE doing that! Anyhoo, it’s pretty cool. Have a listen if you get a chance. So far Ate Cyn’s favorite is #2, I’ve That Boom Boom (I THINK that’s what it’s called) which I like too cuz it’s a fun song. Iya and Joemama have shown interest in Toxic. That one’s got a cool beat to it too. I love that word…”beat.” Ok enough…just go listen to it.


OH LEGOLAS

So I went to Best Buy during my lunch ( I swear I wanna live there!) and I’ve got 3 words to describe the experience – CA-RAY-ZY! Everybody and their dog was there, in line to buy the TWO TOWERS: extended version (didn’t you know dogs love LORD OF THE RINGS? =). It was only $24.99! The one with BOOKMARKS costs like $56.99! (inside joke) I SO can’t wait to go home and watch it. Too bad I have class tonight. It’s okay though. After class I’ll come home, watch the new episode of the season for QUEER EYE (I’M SO EXCITED!) and then watch some of the extra footage in the dvd. I act like someone’s gonna take away my TV tomorrow or something huh? I can’t help it. Ok, I guess I should go do some work now. I AM at the office.

Outta the Bitter Barn

i am no expert when it comes to falling in love. i'm not even close. in fact, i've made it a bad habit to denounce this emotion, this state of heavenly bliss for many of my friends, hoping that it would keep me from longing for it. alas, this bitterness can only last so long because as fate would have it, I'M A SAP.

on saturday evening, iya, edwin, randy and i had the pleasure of sitting with a few thousand other filipinos at the grand olympic auditorium in downtown to watch a SIDE A / FREESTYLE concert. i swear it felt like pcn. anyhow, if you're not familiar with these two bands, they hail from back home and are as entertaining as can be. the highlight of the evening for me would either have to be iya, edwin, randy and i dancing along during their upbeat sequence or their rendition of HOT IN HERRE! ha ha ha...but one of the reasons i love their music, as well as so many filipino artists, is because of their beautiful ballads. one of the songs that they performed last night was GOT TO BELIEVE. if you don't know the song, watch ZAPPED! starring scott baio. and if you don't already know, this song was sung on the soundtrack of the movie with the very same name.

inspired, i decided to watch GOT TO BELIEVE while i folded laundry today (i have the VCD). time and again, i will watch this movie and every ounce of spite i have for love, or lack thereof, disappears. if you watch tagalog movies often, you've probably seen this movie and can understand why i love it so much. it actually reminds me of one of my other favorite movies, WEDDING PLANNER. anyhow, it's about this girl, who's a wedding planner, who dreams and aches to marry someday soon. she becomes acquainted with one of their photographers and let's just say he helps her find someone. you know where this goes right? i don't wanna spoil it for you.

anyhow, the couple playing the couple in the film was together in real life and they showed footage of them promoting their film at the end of the movie and what gets to me is the love you see in their eyes, especially his (Rico Yan, may he rest in peace). you see the way he looks at her and you just know, it's so obvious he's in love. and it just got to me. how unbelieveably special is that? yesterday i caught the last 45 minutes of A WALK TO REMEMBER and i can't say enough for the character that shane west plays. he meets this girl who he falls in love with and does everything he can to show her that he loves her and i was so touched by it.

i know these are only actors playing parts in a movie, but they're portraying the grandest emotion of all and it gets me everytime. when i witness this, yes i feel jealous, but at the same time i gain a small ounce of hope that it can happen, and it can happen to me. but what kind of angel does a person have to be to feel this way? i wonder...

Red Pill, Blue Pill

Iya's sister-in-law, Ate Jenny works for the company who processes permits for movie studios to film in certain locations. She gave Iya 2 passes to the MATRIX REVOLUTIONS screening on the Warner Bros lot and iya took me! (THANKS AGAIN ATE JENNY AND IYA! I HAD SO MUCH FUN!) everyone i know who has seen this movie can't seem to find too many great things to say about it. so iya and i went in there expecting a fluke, minus the effects. people have said it's corny or whatever and i can kinda see why they would say that, but i don't think the dialogue was even half as corny as the dialogue in STAR WARS EPISODE 2. THAT movie freakin' killed me, especially during conversations between amidala and anakin. granted hayden christiansen is FINE, the movie was all effects, weak story.

but back to the MATRIX...we thought it was cool. it made loads of points about destiny and sacrifice and chances. maybe to the discerning eye of a superfan, the movie may have lacked in some areas, but i liked it. i have to admit that i'm at a loss as to what happened in the 1st two movies (which i'm planning to re-watch to understand the 3rd more), but nonetheless, the movie satisfied as much as i expected from it.

after the movie iya pointed me towards a part of the lot where ER films certain scenes and as a diehard ER fan i was like AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HERE!!! where Noah Wyle and Maura Tierney and Sherry Stringfield and George Clooney walked around! oh! on monday when we spent the day at the Grove, I saw Sharif Atkins from ER! he's the doctor who had the military help him get thru medical school. I SO wanted to go up to him and his little boy (or was it a girl) and shake his hand or something. but i'm bad at celebrity meetings, just ask anyone.

well, my midterm was...it was easy...for the people who studied hardcore for it that is. i wasn't one of them so some parts were a little puzzling for me. anyhow, i better go. I've got bills to do before i go to bed. until next time...

Menace to my Neatness

Hey everyone!! Today is ate cyn's birthday! (See link below. You'll die laughing when you read her blog!) I love her to death, even though she loved to mess up my bed when we were living in irvine. Happy happy birthday ate cyn-chaa!!!

Hiatus

hey there!!! i know i haven't made any entries into my blog but for some reason last week, i felt a tad overwhelmed and was unable to sit in front of the computer for half an hour and go over my day. so i'm gonna try to make an entry right now as i watch ALIAS. i'll try my hardest to write coherently as i wait in ernest for sidney bristow's next move.

so hey, what's up guys? guess what i did last sunday? i opened up my CPU and installed 128 MB of RAM into my system. I was gonna ask my cousin, or cile or markie to do it for me because i felt terrified at the thought of opening up my computer. but everyone's like, "it's easy just open up the cpu and stick it in there!" sounded easy enough. so i braved my fear and installed the darn thing. to be honest with you i don't see the change in speed on my computer. THAT i'm still trying to figure out.

ok, i need to finish ALIAS because i have an accounting midterm to study for. fortunately, unlike studying in college, i actually READ the chapter long before the night before the exam. what a concept, reading assignments done when they're assigned. good deal...i'll let you know how it goes...wish me luck! iya doesn't need luck. i think she's gotten a perfect score on all 7 of our quizzes. what a smart bizzatch!

Speaking of which, IT'S IYA'S BIRTHDAY TOMORROW, MONDAY, NOVEMBER 10. Greet her if you get a chance!

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS IYA!!

Juxtaposition

if you've ever taken any kind of english class, this term may sound familiar to you. if not, then it might as well be written in sanscrit cuz it's not a word you hear everyday. but in literary terms, JUXTAPOSITION occurs when a sad or terrible occurrence in a story is immediately followed by a moment of happiness or comic relief, and vice versa.

well, this word couldn't have been more applicable to my life than this very moment. on friday, halloween was a great day. granted the weather was dreary and i would've enjoyed lying in bed more than anything, the work day seemed to rush thru and at the end of my 8 hours i was ready to go out and celebrate. donned in my angel wings and halo, we started the evening with a trip to the mall for my 6-month old nephew, kelsoe's 1st halloween. he was dressed up as tigger and although the rain outside was pounding down on the streets, the smile on his face was enough to brighten my day. he observed in delight at all the little kids (and adults) dressed in their costumes. he had fun trying to snatch on to my wings (to eat) and even more fun attempting to grab my sister's fairy wand (again, to eat). as usual he didn't cry very much, not even in his tigger outfit, and at the end of the trip to the mall, he was as happy as could be.

i spent the rest of the evening at el cid dancing and drinking with iya the bee, matt aka eminem, rochelle the inflateable pumpkin, rachele the fairy, riann the german beer girl, joe as a "badass mutherf**cker," tommy the delta boy soldier straight out of blackhawk down, randy as alvin from the chipmunks, eric the pirate, pocahontas cile and father edwin. the last few moments of the night at denny's were filled with laughter and almost a crime cuz i walked out with the money and the bill in my hand!

l spent saturday doing laundry and then celebrating ate tin's 27th birthday. we tried our hardest to forget we were freezing, attempting at all costs to keep reminding ourselves that the party was a luau theme. as soon as you start grabbing your stomach due to laughter, suddenly you forget it's 65 degrees outside and you're wearing a hawaiian shirt or sarong. we got to watch cile's hawaii video presentation, complete with slideshow and credits. you wanna know how talented this girl is? watch one of her videos.

any evening spent in the company of great people is always perfection, as this weekend proved. but today, it's hard to put into words how quickly all that perfection can disappear. two people very close to me, whom i love dearly, are moving away and i can't do anything to prevent it. i've been crying all day because i feel sad and helpless and i can't tell you how big a part of me is dying because i don't know when i'll see them again. i think they've left already, but haven't even come to say good-bye yet. i'm not sure if it's better this way, since good-byes are always the worst. but i just wanted to hold them both, just to let them know i loved and will miss them. but the best i can do is hope that they're kept safe always.

this is why i'm always so cautious with happiness. cuz there's always something waiting behind the wings to take it away...

Famous One-liners

i just finished watching the last 15 minutes of Jerry Maguire and i never realized how many one-liners came out of this movie: "Show me the money!"..."You complete me."...and "You had me at hello." gosh, what great dialogue! and what about movies like Sixteen Candles with sayings like, "What's a-happenin' hot stuff?" said by the ever-popular exchange student Long Duk Dong? isn't it cool how lines like this can stick for years? look at Robert Deniro and his, "you talkin' to me?" line or Marlon Brando's "We'll make him an offer he can't refuse." that's just crazy how long ago those movies were made and still when you turn on the tv today, practically 30 years later, someone's quoting them.

that's it random. had to share that with ya'll. can YOU think of any more famous one-liners?

Paging Nurse Riann...

i stayed home AGAIN today. i know i know, lucky! ha ha ha...no but seriously, i still feel really blah. i got ready this morning and everything, but when she heard me coughing and sneezing my way through every sentence, my mom said, "Hay naku. stay home na lang ikaw ngayon." and i did. my dad stayed home from work too. am i just infecting everyone? today was the same kinda day friday was. i took my mom to work (as ailing as i was) and then came home to watch all the brush fires that seem to have spread across southern california. i don't mean to be insensitive or anything, but ideas of arson have come to mind. i'll just leave it at that.

but anyhow, i'm feeling a little bit better. on friday i got a surprise visit from riann! she called me on her way home from work, interrogating me on my diet that day and such and i told her i wasn't that hungry and we didn't have any soup in the house. so she bought me soup from quizno's and had her lunch with me. i was so touched! thanks riann! i really appreciated it! i've been eating soup all day today! and i've been drinking to much water that my pee is clear! (sorry for the mental picture but i thought that was kinda cool). anyhow, can't seem to eat anything too heavy...which is a good thing.

ok, gotta study for some accounting quizzes. until next time...

D.S.T.

hey kids! don't forget to set your clocks back one hour! weeeee doggies! i'll take an extra hour anytime!

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN

Have you ever been at work, staring as the clock ticks second after agonizing second like it knows you’re waiting for it to hit 5:00 so you can go home? WELL GOD BLESSED IT’S HAPPENING TO ME RIGHT NOW! And I’m so moving, typing and speaking to customers on the phone ever-so-slowly like it’ll make the slightest difference in expediting the passage of time...so today is actually the next day and i'm home sick with the flu. maybe i'll write a blog...oh look here comes one now…

So Fantone called me wednesday night because her dad was wearing the Cambridge University polo that she bought for him 4 years ago. Apparently this brought her immense nostalgia. “Anna let’s go back!” she screamed. And I had to second her. At 25 years old, I can confidently say that I’ve been fortunate enough to have had my share of travels (with hopefully more to come). And my 6 weeks in the UK has proved to be one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever had. Who knew the British could be so fascinating? Correction, you can’t call everyone who lives in the UK “British.” There are the English, the Scottish and the Irish from Northern Ireland. We were made aware, very early on, that Scottish and English people can sometimes be, ummm, sensitive to the other. I remember Professor Dawson, our instructor for British Social and Cultural History, saying, “Oh those Scottish, like to paint themselves blue and fight!” I didn’t get it until I saw BRAVEHEART. Ha ha ha…and then when we were in Scotland for a weekend, one of our teacher’s aids, Kadia, told us that some Scottish bloke tried to hit on her, but upon hearing she was visiting from Cambridge, soon after walked away. Okay strict about your women!

So how many people can say that after class they spent the afternoon punting up and down the river? Punting is maneuvering this small boat with a wooden stick long enough to touch the river floor. It’s so much harder than it looks, lemme just tell you. I didn’t do any actual punting but watching other people do it just wore me out! =) it was cool to have it as an option to spend the afternoon though.

i miss the pub-hopping: people go to pubs there as often as they go to the loo (the bathroom)! i miss qeueing up at the cafeteria to see the lady who sits in a booth and sells baguettes. oh man just thinking of the melted swiss cheese mixed in with scallions and bacon in a warm french baguette makes my mouth watah! i miss eating in the hall that seriously looked like the hogwarts dining hall...the tube in london, the random rainstorms (like we would go into class with the day as sunny as can be and then come out an hour later protecting ourselves from the rain!), the fish 'n chips (as oily as they were), covent garden, big ben, the cute teacher's aids (especially tim and mark...oh if orlando bloom was one too i would've asked for some help with my poli sci paper =P) and more!

what i loved most was the company. i met lots of new people, but remained as attached to cecile "i'm egyptian now" tecson, tommy "take us punting english girl / i hate my room" carague, jean "prince edward nga eh" ilano, christine "if i don't fall off this bed i'll get electrocuted" fantone, and andrew "better take my dramamine before every bus ride" boquiren.

man, all that made me think...maybe i'll go watch BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM right now...until next time mates, CHEERIO!

IT'S SOMEBODY'S BIRTHDAY I WONDER WHO

Hey everyone! It's Ate Tin-Tin's 27th birthday today (HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ATE!!)!!! If you see her online, let her know you love her!!

Lo Siento (I'm Sorry)

so we're all sitting in edwin's living room tonight and as usual, there is a constant ravage of hitting below the belt between everyone present. although all of us should be used to this by now, everyone still has their sensitive buttons; the very ones that can set you off on this defensive stance as soon as one word is uttered about it. i know i've got mine. some things i deny being sensitive about because i don't feel the need to create a big hoo-ha about it. i'd just try to hold myself down if it ever came up even though i know better. anyhow, so we're "joking around" and joe makes a remark and i must have responded awfully sarcastic that he thought i was truly angry (which i'm 100% sure i wasn't) and he left the room with edwin and matt.

at first i couldn't understand why joe would be so upset, but then cile tells me that i sounded like i snapped back at him and i felt really bad after. riann (who is big on channeling feelings and talking about everything) suggested i discuss it with joe so that he doesn't continue to think that i was angry at his comment. but since i wasn't mad, i didn't feel the need to talk about it. so i've been thinking about this eversince joe left the room, until now that it's 3:26 am and again i am faced with another problem area in my life: communication.

i think i'm horrible at it. i am the queen of suppression! you can call me passive,a push-over, etc. but that's how i work. i don't like making people angry, and if they already are, i don't wanna feed the fire so i don't talk about it. sometimes if i feel someone has wronged ME, i create a whole dialogue in my head of what i'm gonna tell this person but that's as far as the conversation goes because, I DON'T WANNA MAKE THEM FEEL BAD! or maybe, i just don't trust a whole lot of people so i'd rather hold in my feelings. i know that i have a big issue with trust. as i'm sure all of you have experienced, once you lose confidence in someone, it's hard to believe in them, and anyone else in your life, ever again. i'm reminded time and again that if you want to keep something a secret, you should really just keep it to yourself. once you tell someone, it's not a secret anymore and you are liable for this secret's distribution.

but i digress...my whole reason for this entry was to recognize that i have a communication issue to work out with myself. i am so good at telling people to talk to whomever they are having problems with when in actuality, i can hardly do that myself. second of all, i do wanna apologize to Joe for sounding mean. it wasn't your comment that got me to say what i said. you know i'll take whatever you boys have for me. there are real issues deeply-rooted inside that i have to deal with and i'll gladly explain it to you as soon as we get the chance. call it the beginning stages of OPERATION ANNA COMMUNICATES.

Healthy? Not me!

so yesterday i took a blood test cuz i told my ninang, who's a doctor, that my i was finding it very hard to breathe on monday morning. it wasn't that i COULDN'T breathe, but it just felt really uncomfortable and of course i got kinda scared. so it's been about a year since i've gotten any lab work done for my health so she draws blood yesterday morning.

my ninang comes to visit me at home tonight to tell me that my cholesterol and my triglycerides are high! not just high for MY AGE, but HIGH period. i'm not even gonna tell you the numbers she gave me cuz it creeps me out everytime i think about it. anyhow, i bet the reason i was finding it so hard to breathe is cuz my arteries are clogged! so she gives me the rundown of everything that i MUST MUST MUST avoid: dairy products (this includes cheese, ranch dressing, and yes, milk for my freakin' cereal even), carbohydrates (which is everything i eat) and junk food in general (no more sweets and fast food for me). she advised that i stick to fibers and vegetables and fruits for now. i might as well graze with the cows and sheep in Scotland! either that or i should just stop eating altogether!

but i can't complain, cuz this is what i get. i don't have any self-control when it comes to food cuz gosh, WHO DOESN'T LOVE TO EAT? but now it's gotten to a point i never thought it would and it's time to get serious about my health. so if we're ever out and i order a salad, please don't ask why i'm having just a salad cuz it'll just make me feel bad. UY! i don't even wanna get out of bed tomorrow knowing i have to give up what i know i have to give up. oh well, such is life. too much of a good thing can really kick you in the ass! wish me LOADS OF LUCK cuz the will power to better myself physically is in the process of getting built up still. UY!

FOOTBALL ANYONE? no JOE, REAL FOOTBALL!

hey kids! have any of you ever watched BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM? well, i saw it last night and i thought it was a great movie! it's about an indian girl who loves football (soccer to us Americans) but is chastised continuously by her traditional indian family who believes she should be more concerned with learning how to cook indian food and nabbing an indian groom rather than wasting her day striving to be as awesome at soccer as her idol, David Beckham. keira knightley from Pirates of the Caribbean is in the movie too. so it's got a simple plot and that's what i love about it; no excessive violence, sex or confusing storylines. the movie follows a young girl who must deal with her passion for a sport while at the same time coping with cultural opposition. i'll leave the synopsis at that. by the way, it's pretty funny too! i love listening to the british talk! anyhow, go see it!

What's My Name

one day in the 8th grade, we were talking about identity and how our names take part in that identity. our teacher told us to give ourselves a different name for the day and we were to call each by our new names. i thought about it for awhile and i picked the name, Cherisse for some reason. i think i had just heard it the day before or something but i thought it sounded pretty. anyhow, during lunch a bunch of my classmates and i started looking at each and tried to figure out a fitting name for that person. my old classmate, Ben, turned to me and said, "anna, you look like a BETTY." i do? hmmm, that would've been weird.

but weird is what my aunt WANTED to name me when i was born. some of you probably won't remember this, but in sesame street, during those cartoon breaks, this little scribble of a girl would come out from the side of the white background and yell, "WILLHEMENA WILLHEMENA!!" and then just leave. THAT's what my then 12-year old aunt told my parents she wanted to name me. CAN YOU IMAGINE? in the end my mom and dad decided to name me after a girl in a soap opera. i look at myself in the mirror every morning and the girl i see is anna. WILLHEMENA? i don't think so. Anna Lissa Bautista Gonda...that's my whole name. could you BE anymore Filipino than that?

but names are such a big deal. could you honestly see yourself with another name, except of course maybe for the chicks who plan to get married and change their LAST name. anyhow, that's all. if you could have another name what would it be? i know what iya would want us to call her...

LIFE FOR RENT

everyone's all cd reviewing so i thought i'd jump the bandwagon and tell you about DIDO's new cd "Life for Rent." maybe you think someone who's obsessed with *NSYNC and loves to sing and dance around to the bubble sound that is pop music couldn't possibly be interested in listening to someone as mellow as Dido. well, i heard her NO ANGEL cd and i must say that after that i was just drawn to her melancholy, whisper of a singing voice. that's one reason i love listening to norah jones' cd, but that's another entry.

anyhow, there's one song on Dido's cd that really got to me. it's the title track, "life for rent." just take a glance at the lyrics and tell me it doesn't make you think:

life for rent

i haven't ever really found a place that i call home
i never stick around quite long enough to make it
i apologize that once again i'm not in love
but it's not as if i mind that your heart ain't exactly breaking
it's just a thought, only a thought

but if my life is for rent and i don't learn to buy
well i deserve nothing more than i get
cos nothing i have is truly mine

i've always thought that i would love to live by the sea
to travel the world alone and live more simply
i have no idea what's happened to that dream
coz there's really nothing left here to stop me
it's just a thought, only a thought

but if my life is for rent and i don't learn to buy
well i deserve nothing more than i get
cos nothing i have is truly mine

while my heart is a shield and i won't let it down
while i am so afraid to fail so i won't even try
well how can i say i'm alive

but if my life is for rent and i don't learn to buy
well i deserve nothing more than i get
cos nothing i have is truly mine

this song could have a hundred different interpretations. but here's what it is to me. if you ever happen to wonder what the meaning of life is for you, and you can't, for whatever reason, figure out what that is. ask yourself about the last time you took a chance on an opportunity. did you seize the day or just tell yourself you were gonna fail at it anyway so why bother trying? how about the last time you asked yourself why you're alone. have you passed up chances to meet people because you're scared they won't think much of you? ever forbade yourself from feeling any kind of romantic feelings for someone because you can't remember the last time that emotion didn't fail to hurt you?

well, here it is folks. life is about taking chances, taking initiative. when i was younger i felt like this came naturally to me. teachers and bosses called me a "self-starter." but i know that for a lot of us, life seemed to slow down and the ability to "self-start" became harder and harder to maintain. i know my starter was cold for the last 3 years, but i feel like it's coming back to me. and not because i waited for it to warm up again, but because I decided put the heat back into it MYSELF. i don't want my life to be for rent, not having invested any kind of genuine risk in a venture. i don't wanna look back at my twenties when i'm 60 (god-willing i live that long) and say my life was a wasteland of missed chances. i've been reminded time and again in the last year that there is no courage without fear and there is certainly no victory without trial.

I JUST WANT MY ID!!!!

oh man, what does it take to get your ID at GCC??? so first of all, you can't park on the lot across the street before 6 pm cuz there's a great big sign that says, "NO STUDENT PARKING. FACULTY AND STAFF ONLY" and they've got this security guard sitting by the entrance. so i drive around until about 5:55 (mind you i got out of work at 5!) when finally i'm like SCREW THIS i'll just drive into that parking lot cuz everyone else is. and lucky me, someone had just come out and i got a space quickly. so i put in 42 min worth of coins cuz all i had was a quarter and a dime. i'm thinkin, i'll be back in plenty of time. so i cross the bridge to get to campus and HI, i have no idea where i'm going. i go up some stairs, walked through a building and back to the library to ask where this place you get a student ID is. i go up these stairs...again, and find the room and i get there and the lady's like, "your ID isn't paid for yet. you have to pay for replacements." i'm like huh? so she sends me to admissions and i ask the lady at the window, "haven't i already paid for the ID?" and she said, yeah, when you started....in '97! joe and i took a geography class in the summer of '97 and THAT ID is paid for along with the fees. THIS ID is a replacement and costs $10!!! so i pay the damn $10 and head back to the picture lady and i take the damn STUDENT ID picture and you can SEE in the photo what i felt like after all that ruckus. i get back to my car and there is 9 min left on the meter. IT TOOK ME FREAKIN' 33 MIN TO GET A STUDENT ID! the whole process could've taken 10 min but it took me 33!!!

so i let out all my frustrations at TKB tonite with fernand. i don't know what it was about tonite's class but i was superduper exhausted after the thing. fernand said his vision was all blurry after. ha ha ha...

i ended the evening with a hilarious episode of WILL & GRACE, then a gratifying shower, then ER, and bits and pieces of BROWN SUGAR in between. has anyone seen that movie? the parts i saw seemed kind of interesting so i wanna watch the whole thing. any opinions?

ok, it's time for bed! i'm pooped!

Missin' the Mall

no, not the glendale galleria or the beverly center, the Mall in washington, DC where the Capitol Building, the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial are placed in perfect alignment. i've been on WEST WING overload eversince Bravo has been airing the old episodes. even though i've seen the episode like 2-3 times over, i always notice something when i watch it again...like i how much i miss being there.

so here lies the very source of emptiness i feel inside every so often. i do miss living there in our nation's capital. i miss getting up at 6:45 am because i need to be at the crystal city metro stop at 8:10 to catch the blue line headed towards addison road. i miss running my prepaid metro card through the "doorway" with the rotating wheel so i can get to the escalator leading to the track. i miss sitting on the stone bench in the tunnel waiting for the train to come and then getting up because i notice the round warning lights flashing by the track indicating my ride's close proximity. i miss standing in the train, with one hand tightly gripping the pole and the other clutching a book open, never wavering to the constant braking. i miss the 30 seconds or so where the track is above the ground giving me just enough time to look up and see the pentagon on the left. i miss watching men and women in uniform loading and unloading at the pentagon metro stop. i miss getting off the train and walking towards the office in the clockwork manner that i became accustomed to as if my feet led the way. i miss taking the elevator to the 11th floor and saying GOOD MORNING to everyone who i so loved working with. i miss having lunch down the street at HIGH NOON, and getting to walk past the white house like the most powerful man in the world didn't live there. i miss coming home after a long day to my roommates who are truly 5 of the most unique people i know. i miss standing in the balcony where you can see the monument and the capitol building in the distance. i miss going to mass at st. matthew where JFK's memorial service was held or the Basilica, the largest church in the north america. i just miss it all.

so yes i decided to come back home to sunny cali, hoping my fortune would somehow continue after the momentum i experienced in DC. but i was wrong and the momentum stayed on the east coast as i had feared and here i am, a little confused and at times, completely aimless. i don't regret coming home because i know there was a reason i did, but a part of me will always wonder what would've happened if i had just stayed there for another year. rest assured it won't have been my last time there. i'll go back.

AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! OH CRAAAAAP!!!!

that's what Annie, Ate, Gwen, Leia and I sounded like all saturday, screamin' every few hours as we plummeted from as high as 255 feet in the air to the ground, twisting through corkscrews and hanging upside down on the way. we spent the day at magic mountain to celebrate Annie and Will's birthdays. it's been approximately 7 years since i last visited so everything seemed like new to me...except of course that unnerving feeling of nausea each time we inched our way to the front of the lines. i willingly admit that i am not a big rollercoaster fan. i get all kinds of nervous at the thought of those drops. the hanging upside down doesn't make me feel as sick but oh the 250 ft drop at 85 mph sure make my stomach churn.

so ate, leia, annie, will and i got to valencia at about 10:30 or 11 am. since we were meeting gwen later that afternoon, we decided to forego the newer rides until she got there. so we rode Revolution first. this used to be my favorite ride for some reason, i'm not sure why. after that we headed to viper. we stood in line for what seemed like 45 minutes or so. i forgot how bumpy that ride got towards the end. my head was just bobbling between the headrests --ouch! we met with gwen and then had some lunch.

after some lasagna, we headed to Goliath. i don't know how many of you have been on this ride but it is definitely the scariest i've ever been on because of the very first thing that happens...a 255 foot drop! oh my gosh, i listened to the tick-tick-tick as coaster made its way up the ramp before it shot down to the ground like 50 billion times while we were in line. by the time we finally got to the loading area i was like eeeks, i can't do this. i know i'm such a coward but i can't help it. i was so ready to tell them i'd wait for them at the exit. but i said, screw it anna, just go!...and i did. oh did i scream! i thought we were never gonna hit the bottom the drop was so long! (hey iya, remember how we thought the jurrassic drop was long?...well, that definitely pales in comparison to GOLIATH!). but i made it.

we rode SCREAM after GOLIATH. ate tin-tin is very apprehensive when it comes to twists and turns and upside down motions because she gets sick easily, but somehow we got her on this ride which is all about those things AND MORE. the speed of that ride is insane. it's name is as appropo as you can get. i think we turned over at least 9 times. I LOVED IT! but poor ate couldn't get herself on another rollercoaster after that. she sat out BATMAN, which i LOVE cuz the ride is so smooth. too bad the line was 1 1/2 hours long and the ride lasted oh, 2-3 minutes!!! yuck! that's all i hate about theme parks! lines take up such a significant amount of your day. after batman, Annie, Will, Leia and Gwen headed towards X-TREME. ate and i were like no way man. if you haven't seen this thing it's like this. first of all, there are two seats on each side of the car, hanging on some type of rotar. it turns depending on the motion of the coaster. in other words, it hangs independently from the car itself so you don't know which way the seat will turn if, say, you're entering a corkscrew. i can't explain it but i KNEW i couldn't do it yesterday so ate and i had a little dinner, shopped a little and rode the carousel. ha ha ha...

we got home at about 11 pm already even though we left the park at 9:30 cuz there was an accident on the 5.

whew...what a day! full of screams!!! but i can't deny how much fun i had. there's nothing like a day at a theme park with great company!

huh? what?..

it's only 11:36 am are you freakin' kidding me?

GEEKS!

so i stayed up until about 12:30 last night desperately trying to finish my accounting homework. i didn't get a chance to write it down in class last week and barely got it from iya on monday morning, hence the procrastination to complete assignment. oh boy, chapter 2; t-balances, trial balances, ledgers, recognition...uy ve! i was in a state of vertigo after attempting the nth example of how to correctly assign assets to debit column...or was it to the credit column? no, debit, definitely debit. anyhow, i finished eventually...

iya and are sitting in the classroom at 6:15 pm tonight, chatting away when we start to listen to some of our classmates asking our instructor questions about the homework.

"which question are they talking about, anna?" iya asks.

i shrug. "we did that one last week in class didn't we? that's chapter 1," i say.

"yeah that's chapter 1," iya says. "were we supposed to do problems from chapter 1?"

"no, we did chapter 1 homework last week," i respond.

iya turns around and asks this guy behind us what problem he's asking about.

"oh shit...we did chapter 2 homework!"

we raise our hands and verify with our teacher that those numbers she assigned last week were indeed from chapter 1 which makes us...jackasses.

who needs a vacation?

and then when we were writing up a balance sheet in class, the ending amount was $143,800. iya goes, "hey look anna! i love you boo!"

iya needs a vacation.

JUST FOR KELSOE

our little baby kelsoe was baptized today. the preparations for such an event usually desire a serious amount of time, but we actually planned everything within a week. my family's pretty (as matt would say) clutch when it comes to parties. we planned the menu, the guestlist and the party favors all on one sunday afternoon.

this blessed day started YESTERDAY when we went out to gather some materials for his giveaways. we spent yesterday afternoon putting them together! then at 10:00 am this morning i woke up and knew it would be a beautiful day. breakfast is served! my poor mom was up until 2:30 am last night softening meat and chopping up vegetables for her kare kare (my favorite yummy!!!), but don't think she slept in. she and my dad were up early cooking, cleaning up, and moving chairs and tables around. we had the party here at my grandparents' house, with MY house (1 door away) as an overflow. anyhow, i was planning to wear this dress to the baptism (i'm one of kelsoe's godparents!) but when i put it on this morning and went to the mirror to fix my hair i was horrified to see that the neckline of the dress was right below the tanline on my chest that i've had since the 4th of july!!! thank goodness i had something else to wear. god that's what i get for being ignorant about sunblock! anyhow, i was ready by noon, we blew up some balloons and then headed off to incarnation church for the main event.

if you read a few entries back i talk about how good kelsoe is and this day was no exception. first of all, he slept all through the readings and the explanation of technicalities. but lo and behold, they were getting ready to bless the kids with oil and he was suddenly wide awake, not making a single sound. there was this one baby girl who cried THE ENTIRE CEREMONY! but not kelsoe. he was so wrapped up with all the people who surrounded him, looking around in sheer wonderment, probably asking himself what he was doing there. not even the pouring of the water on his head bothered him one bit. he's blessed with 8 godparents (filipinos, i swear!). one of his ninongs, tristin and christian's friend erik, even DROVE here from chicago to be at the baptism. how dedicated to this baby and his parents is he? so after we took pictures at the church, we headed home for some food!

and oh was there food!!!! i spent the afternoon taking pictures, carrying kelsoe around and making sure my two cousins, leonard and bernard were entertained for 5 hours. i put Lilo & Stich, Toy Story 2 and Shrek into the DVD player so they would sit in one place all day. chasing them around, we've discovered, is quite a feat so we always opt for the tv. terrible but a must.

we ended the long day watching christian and tristin open all of kelsoe's gifts and envelopes and watched a slideshow of the day on the tv (who loves their digicam? i do i do!). our baby is so young and i can't imagine him any older than the 4 months and 3 weeks that he is, but i know that time will run off faster than we can help it and next thing you know he'll be crawling, then walking, then talking, then reading...THEN DATING! then i'll be really sad. but until then we enjoy his babyhood.

ROUND 17 -- FIGHT!

yup that's right! i went to TKB (Turbo KickBoxing) this past thursday with fernand (thanks for the great entry about our date my dear). we're on round 17! they change the routine every 3-4 months. riann and i started with round 13 like last summer 2002 and i think we skipped all of round 15 and we did a few of rounds 14, 16 and the bext of round 13-16. i got to the gym about 15 min before the class cuz i wanted to get a few minutes on the stairclimber or treadmill to get my heart pumping before the air-kicking and air-pumping began. it USUALLY leaves me less breathless during the class. i think i should've done like 20 minutes instead of the 10 though cuz i was heaving! fernand and i were like, DUDE WHAT THE HELL! so ummm, raise your hand of you're outta shape -- here here! pick me pick me!

the class was bearable enough. i'd love to just stop but i was getting dressed last week and one of my blouses was tighter than usual...wahhhhh!!!!!! so seriously, i gotta get crackin'. the best part of the evening was hanging out and talking with fernand in front of zono's at the exchange. fernand is freakin' hilarious and he's a good listener. i feel bad i didn't get to buy him his jamba juice though...sorry fernand!!! but i only had a $1 in my bag. and to think he said he would've put out if i paid...next time na lang.

so the search for health begins...AGAIN!

GET WITH IT GIRLFRIEND!

iya and i were reading our horoscopes last friday at the bookstore (during one of our breaks from studying...which of course occurred before we STARTED any ACTUAL studying) and it mentioned how aquarians (that's me!) thrive on change. and then iya turned to me and said, "how weird cuz you don't like change right?" and i responded, "yes i do! i love change!" and then i remembered something i KNOW i said, to her probably, a few years ago. i said, and i quote, "dammit i hate change." pretty self-explanatory i think. anyhow, yes i do remember saying that and with valid enough reasons, or so i thought.

i love being comfortable. i love finding your niche with something or someone and staying there. i simply adore having friends who i know will be there always...but being here FOREVER would constitute a perfect world for me and we all know that doesn't exist. i guess "changes" for me have involved more relationships than anything. like when your best friends find their boyfriend and/or girlfriend and you sort of phase out of their lives little by little. there is absolutely no stopping this, as i've discovered, no matter how badly you feel. the only way to deal with changes such as this, is to change along with them.

i've discovered that this is my problem. it's not that i loathe change. actually, i love change. change is great! i'm just not good at taking any action to achieve it. i'm learning though, taking some baby steps more than ever these days. i'm hoping there are more years left in this life for me to roll with the punches and go with the flow. it's kind of like riding a rollercoaster. the more you resist the downward speed of the ride and the tighter your grip on the bar, the more you feel the drop turning your insides out. but if you just let go and allow the motion to take you, it's never half as bad as you expected. hmmm...

SHORT & SWEET

we celebrated riann's 23rd birthday at HOWL AT THE MOON in City Walk last night. She sat on top of the piano and reinacted the LIKE A VIRGIN video in front of the audience and then a couple hours after that she was hurlin' into a plastic bag out on the terrace. as the boys would say, "It was gret!"

so i read the last 85 or so pages of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix saturday morning and i wanna talk about how i feel but i think it would give it away for those who wanna read it. i cried...cuz now i don't know what to do with myself!!!...until the 6th book comes out that is. no but seriously, i teared quite a bit at the end. i asked iya if i could borrow her A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN cuz it's a classic i've never read before so after i finish this other book i was in the middle of before i started RETURN OF THE KING, i'll tackle that classic.

ok time for bed...

DAMN KIDS!!!

iya and i spent friday night at BARNES & NOBLES doing our accounting homework. hot single gals really workin' it aren't we? anyhow, right before it closed, matt and rochelle came to meet us and the four of us headed to coffee bean to meet up with stacy and edweeen. edwin came without stacy cuz apparently she has a midterm to study for so he left her at his house. so the 5 of us sit in front of coffee bean in burbank, a place we often find ourselves on weeknights when we can't stay out too late with work the next day but still feel the need for some friendly company. anyhow, for awhile we're shooting the breeze, going over the recent goings-on in our lives and then we come to a most interesting subject: childhood memories...or in rochelle's case, childhood trauma.

it all started when bobbers said how kids freak her out and of course we laugh at her like she's crazy. why would kids freak anyone out? and she responds, "cuz they're so honest." here began bobbers' stories of traumatic stress as a child, recounts of boys in elementary school who bullied her cuz she was small, someone who tried to strangle her (and this same boy incidentally became my classmate in elementarty school too), and then this one little boy who gloated after she lost an election to him, and two little boys she overheard call her ugly when she was in the 4th grade! TERRIBLE!

then matt remembered how ryan kinda bullied him around freshman year in murphy, and this girl in elementary school who used to take iya's lunch money, and this boy in the 4th grade who when i walked past him in class claimed "damn anna! you're meaty!" you might as well have called me fat, asshole! and then we looked at edwin...edwin WAS a bully (actually still is and is fortified more than ever when he's got allies like joe tag-teaming on everyone) and he made life for this one girl awful in elementary school cuz he called her a horse all the time.

oh man, what we would all give to get back at those who wronged us huh?

Migraines

oh man, i have the biggest mother of a migraine right now. it's a real wonder i can even sit up and type it hurts so bad! i've been suffering thru this condition all day, debating for 6 hours whether i should ask to go home early or tough it out. but there was so much crap to get done that i didn't get the chance to be a baby and whine that i felt like throwing up right there by the fax machines.

i KNEW this day was gonna suck when i woke up at 8:09 when work starts at 8:30 and i needed 10 minutes to get there! i took a quick shower and got dressed, not having any time at all to even blowdry my hair and YOU KNOW that when my hair isn't fixed my day isn't going to be good. i took a claw to hold my hair back, which proved useless after an hour and half or so when my hair was completely dry and the claw no longer supported the shorter layers. aaaaaahhhhh!!!! and then the biggest kind of headache hit me at about 9:15 and even the motrin was no help.

so when i got home, i took a more satisfying shower, hoping it would ease the head a little bit, got dressed and read another 40 pages of harry potter. but after dinner i was like, AAAACK I WANNA THROW UP! but i don't do the throw-up deal. i hate it. so i lay down in bed, attempting a little peace of mind, which was hard cuz my sister was cackling away on the phone AND typing like a monster on the computer chatting online as well.

ME: dude, don't you have a vocabulary test tomorrow?"
TIN: i already studied
(continues to cackle and type)

waaaaahhhhh...so my mom comes upstairs and tells me to put the icepack on the back of my neck (it's too cold, i say). she massages vicks on my forehead (why do my parents love vicks?) and then says, "gusto mo mag-suka? sayang wala tayong 7up no?"...for the tagalog imparied: "you feel like throwing up? it's too bad we don't have any 7up huh?" oh mom...

and then i remembered what today was so i tell myself to shut up and suck it up.

BACK TO SCHOOL

today was my first day of school at GCC (and my dad's 57th bday!!); accounting 105: financial accounting. i admit that the thought of getting back in the classroom worried me a little at first. i can't remember the last time i ever had to take down notes to study. i haven't been in school in 3 years!!! but as soon as the instructor came in, took attendance, and handed out the syllabus, it was as if i'd never left.

iya and i got to campus half an hour before class started so we went to the bookstore to get our books. grand total? $146.14....FOR ONE BOOK! granted, we can use again should we decide to take the next class in the series but STILL!! $146.14???!!! that textbook and workbook cost me more than i paid for registration/enrollment! it looks really useful though. we learned all about the accounting equation today, in addition to writing up financial statements, etc. maybe at the end of this course, iya and i can balance out your incomes...for a small fee of course...ha ha ha...

our instructor is the controller for an architecture firm in glendale and she's been teaching accounting at GCC for the last 5 years. the class itself is about 40+ students strong. it's filled not just with people trying to fulfill a class requirement, but with homemakers, single moms, couriers, jewelers, etc. who just want to further their knowledge on the subject. and i'm guessing we range from ages 21 to maybe 55 years old. there's actually a girl in the class who works for an insurance agency we deal with all the time at work. when we each heard the other's name and who we worked for, we both kinda gasped cuz we talk to each practically everyday! how's THAT for a small world?

i can't believe how excited iya and i both were during and then after the class. maybe it's because we're classmates again (it's been 7 years since we shared a classroom)...hee hee hee, or maybe it's because we feel like we're finally getting active about our futures... or maybe it's the simple pleasure of learning again. iya used to say how she felt like she was getting dumber everyday after she graduated cuz she wasn't in school, and i SO felt the same way. but here we are all into our accounting class! i know what you guys are thinking...GEEKS! hey, at least we're geeks who are learning something applicable to our daily lives. as long as i don't have to apply any knowledge (or lack thereof) of calculus into this class, i'm good to go. a 4-function calculator is all we need? thank heavens!

uy! it's midnight. gotta get going. i wanna read at least one more chapter of HARRY POTTER before i get to bed. until next time...

IT'S RAINING NUPTIALS!!!

so last night iya and i went to our friend's wedding shower. she and her soon-to-be-husband are getting married in the philippines so this gathering was kinda like their reception with the friends and family who won't be able to attend the actual ceremony. they had it at the crystal springs hall in griffith park. for awhile iya and i were the only ones (aside from the bride and groom) we knew at the gathering until two more of the bride's friends, who are also our friends from high school, arrived. one of them brought her husband and the other girl is married too. these girls are two years older than us and when we were in high school we SO looked up to them. and yesterday we were all reminiscing about the IMAC glory days. iya and i listened for the most part and were beside ourselves laughing at all the antics and drama that high school doted upon us.

and then on the ride home, iya and i were talking about how, in the midst of all the nostalgia, we realized that these girls we admired in high school were now married women and how that could be one of us in 2 years' time. everyone knows how much I love weddings. i love so many things about it that most of you just roll your eyes at me when i start going on about it, but i can't help myself. and seeing and talking to our three friends yesterday just validated exactly how much it can mean, especially to the bride and groom experiencing it.

it's the day AFTER the wedding that the real part of marriage starts. it's the questionable days two people undergo when they're trying to decide if they can afford to buy their own home. it's the time when they're trying to figure out if they're ready to raise a family. all this time i've fallen in love solely with the preparations for the wedding itself; the flowers, the church, the dresses, etc, hardly ever thinking of the more important days thereafter. all i have to say is, i can't wait until one of you gets married cuz i know it'll really be something to remember.

When We Were in 8th Grade...

last night i drove to sylmar to pick up my sister and some of her friends. tin's classmate, rodney, had just turned 14 years old (Good God!) and he invited some friends to come over for an after-school partay. i got to the gated community at about 7:15 (cuz tin told me to get them at 7 pm) and was greeted by rodney's mom, mrs. bravo (who used to be a 1st grade teacher at st. francis when i was still there). all the kids were swimming and the oh-so familiar "aaaw man, we're leaving?" came out of my sister and her friends' mouths when they saw me. well, i offered to pick them up later but one of her friends had to be home by 8 so we needed to motor. so the kids went back to the house and got dressed while i waited patiently in the family room talking to mrs. bravo and eating fruit salad. she was like, "so where are you going to school now?" after i answered, "oh, i've been done for 3 years," she let out this "YOU ARE? OH MY GOD HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?" the last time she knew for sure i was still in school was when she was a teacher's aid and i was an 8TH GRADER!

GOD REMEMBER WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO BE AN 8TH GRADER? to be at the highest post in elementary hierarchy? the ones all the younger kids wanted to hang out with? life was just so much simpler then, with not much to worry about except the beginning stages of adolescence when you're starting to figure out what kind of friends you want to have and how you want them to define you, and then looking forward to passing a high school entrance exam and eventually graduating to begin again at a new school! and OH THE DREAMS we dreamt for our lives in the future, which seemed so far away, felt far more reachable back then than they do now.

just listening to my sister and her 3 friends' conversation in the car was enough to bring me back 11 years. tin and her best friend, josephine, were talking about something girly, while the two boys, raneil (who's sitting shotgun) and j.j. are discussing how they wanna find summer jobs after graduation. raneil's like, "why do you wanna work at KFC for? how much do you think you're gonna get paid?" and j.j. shoots back with, "raneil, man, if i work full-time that's like $250 a week!!!" i remember when i worked at universal studios after high school and $178 a week (net) brought the greatest joy to my life!!! and then they go on to discuss which high schools they wanna attend and why, which leads to living on their own when high school is done. UY! they both just sounded so sure of their plans. this is what i want to happen and that's that. it made me laugh to remember how we used to talk this way about our futures; "after high school, i'll be in college majoring in chemical engineering, and then after graduation i'll work for NASA , and then i can get married." that would mean i would've been married...last year. but THAT'S how i used to think and i know a lot of us had the same kind of vision about our lives.

and here we all are, 12 years after elementary school. this isn't exactly what i envisioned i would be in a dozen year's time but i think i've accepted the fact that things don't always turn out the way you plan them. i'm still waiting (more like hoping) for a lot of things to happen to me and God-willing, i'll be a lot more satisfied with myself in a few years. until then, the dreaming and the visions don't cease. here's to another 12 years to wait and see...

Helloooo Baby!

i spent almost the entire evening helping take care of and entertaining my nephew, Kelsoe (yes that's his name and it's starting to fit him too!). he's 4 months old now and i can't tell you how much my family adores this baby, especially me! cile's brother and his girlfriend just had a baby girl last night (CONGRATULATIONS NONOY AND MELANIE!!!) and i couldn't stop telling cile how much she is going to love this child. thankfully kelsoe is literally just a few seconds walk away from my house so i get to see him weekly and am constantly amazed at how big he seems everytime i see him.

i don't know what it is that makes me so crazy over this little boy. he's one of the cutest babies i've ever laid eyes on and he's soooooo good! his hair is forever spikey, we just can't tame it! he's got the biggest eyes and cutest little ears that stick out like his mommy and daddy. he makes sounds when you're looking at him like he's trying to tell you how his day went. my cousins, Keshia and Mari (Kelsoe's dad's sisters) live to harrass our little boy and it's the funniest thing to watch how he smiles and listen to his little giggles. he's starting to teethe too, poor baby. his parents, my cousin christian and his wife, tristin are two of the hippest mom and dad i know, skateboarding and boogieboarding as often as they could this summer, with their little one tagging along in his tiny little rashguard. aaaaaaahhhhhh-dorable!

babies are so cool!!!!!! can't wait to get one of those...

Addicted...to reading?

Right...i'm addicted to reading. i hadn't realized exactly how much i spent my free time reading until i got back from boston in may. we came home and my dad says to my mom, "all she did on the plane was read!" my poor dad. i was in the middle of THE TWO TOWERS when we were heading home from boston and i couldn't put the darn thing down, even to chat with him for an hour or two on the 6-7 hour long journey. let's see, i started reading (for leisure) right after graduation in 2000. i read THE CIDER HOUSE RULES while i was in DC (on the subway to and from work), then i started SNOW FALLING ON CEDARS, which despite Zandro's inquiry is NOT the sequel to CIDER HOUSE RULES; then BLACKHAWK DOWN, then came HARRY POTTER books 1 & 2, then i ATTEMPTED to read THE SUM OF ALL FEARS and put it down for a 3rd time when i started getting all confused. 3 years worth of history and poli sci classes at irvine couldn't help me with this thing but i'll pick it up again soon when my mind has really cleared hopefully. then at iya's urging i finally read CHOCOLAT, then LOVELY BONES (which was written by my Fiction teacher at irvine, alice sebold. she was interviewed by diane sawyer on GOOD MORNING AMERICA, thank you very much). then i read HARRY POTTER book 3 which was WOH a lot of information. and right after that i read HARRY POTTER book 4. after that i started the LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy and now here i am, HARRY POTTER book 5. i freakin' read 200 pages yesterday!!!! it was a great rest day...on LABOR DAY, ironically.

i wanted to get an entry in before my fave show QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY came on. it's on in 15 min so i gotta motor. until next time, remember, DON'T MATCH...COORDINATE!

THE LONG WEEKEND...which isn't over yet but whatever....

so man! i'm SO HAPPY to be be home on a monday morning. i woke up at freakin' 8:42 am though cuz my uncle called asking if i knew how to get to to cabazon. umm, no so i hopped on the net to get directions for him and now i don't wanna go back to bed cuz i know this great day out of work is gonna whiz by. but let's talk about the weekend cuz it's been funfilled for me the whole time...

on friday night i had dinner at islands with my parents and my sister. it was my parents' first time there (even though we live like 45 seconds away from it!) and they were super-impressed with the food. so funny!! and i had fun too cuz now everything at the restaurant means so much more to me now that i've been to hawaii i loved it! and on the way out, i noticed the "Mahalo!" painted on wall and i was like OH MY GOSH! it just never did anything for me before that moment. uy, i miss hawaii...

then iya and bobbers (rochelle) picked me up and we met up at Gitana with riann, joe, edwin, stacy and matt. we sat there, huffed and puffed outta the hookas and discussed all kinds of random stuff (VMA's, iya's 26TH bday-vegas anyone?, etc) and then headed to krispy kreme's cuz some of us had some FUNDraising cards expiring on 8/31 and we wanted to use it up. i still have one more thingy left to punch on the card but it's cool. you get your $10 worth after you buy the first dozen anyhow. and then yeah, as joe mentioned in his blog, we left at like 1:30 am cuz i have the smallest bladder ever. i thought i could hold it for a few more minutes but the cold air wasn't helping so we boned out. iya dropped me off and i briskly walked to my gate and ran to my door, of course then having trouble unlocking it.

...hey random... if anyone happens to be watching tv (especially in the morning) turn to the cbs news, channel 2 and watch out for my old high school classmate tatum wan, she's a reporter!!! how cool is that!

the next morning i got up at 9:30-ish and finished THE RETURN OF THE KING!!! oh it was so good! i can't wait for the 3rd LOTR movie!!! I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T!!! i think i'll watch the first two movies today =). so my parents decided to head to solvang and camarillo that morning. my sister and i were just too damn lazy to be walkin' around good ole' fake denmark, so we stayed home. she worked on her research paper on mars (she's only had 3 DAYS of school and she already has a research assignment due) and i did laundry ALL DAY! i swear you wonder how many people live in this house cuz i folded 5-6 baskets of clothes! leia came over to hang out with me as consolation though. we sat at the kitchen counter for literally 45 min to an hour just looking thru her catalina, hawaii and south america pictures. YOU ALL HAVE TO SEE HER SOUTH AMERICA COVERAGE!!! AWESOME!!!!!! as i folded the laundry, she crocheted her scarf and we were like, "let's watch dvd's! how about something that takes place in hawaii...LILO & STITCH?...nah...OOOH BLUE CRUSH!" so we sat there, watching, reminiscing, crocheting and folding. for dinner my sister, leia and i headed to, where else?...REVOLVING SUSHI! leia's a real trooper when it comes to this place! the girl will drive from all the way from tustin or whitter on a weeknight to eat here. as usual we came outta there stuffed and satisfied! we couldn't breathe from all the sushi we devoured so we decided to hang out at media city center to do an hour of walking. then we went back to my house and watched CHICAGO. sidenote: my biggest fantasy (get your mind outta the gutter joe and edwin)? to sing in a broadway musical. it's too bad you have to have talent to do something like that.

anyhow, sunday morning we went to mass, had lunch with my family, took a nap then i picked up ate tin-tin for our date. we had dinner at islands before we headed to the concert. you people can tease me all you want, but the AMERICAN IDOL 2 concert (yes, we went to go see clay and ruben and the gang) was fun as hell! those people can SING! the circumstances may be corny (or ANG PAKA-MAIS as jhoette would say) but they were all really good last night. ate and i already knew that our favorite clay and ruben, kimberley and trenyce could sing on the show but DUDE, we all know seeing someone perform live makes them sound like 10 times better. ate and i were very impressed with all 9 of them (josh, corey clark and that punkish chick vanessa weren't there). even julia damato, who i thought was just a nervous wreck on the show everytime she performed by herself was good. i guess performing in concert for 2 months built her confidence. it was the last concert of their 40-city tour so the evening was chock-full of thank-yous and that extra bit of energy. they sang mostly covers. clay and ruben sang a song each from their first albums due out this fall. can i just tell you that i have never seen so many adults at a concert that you'd THINK would be for youngens? i mean, we've all seen a bunch of kids with their moms and dads at *NSYNC concerts and you KNOW they're there to chaperone. but we saw freakin' 40 year old men and women HOWLING when their favorite idols sang...and they were there without kids! this whole row in front of me and ate were like 50 year olds! and then this lady next to me was like biggest ruben, clay and kimberley locke fan ever. HILARIOUS! ate and i were screaming and clapping the whole night it was so fun! say what you must to me, but they were really good last night. i honestly wasn't expecting too much, wondering how they could put a concert together. but it was really good, a really fun time!!! it made me miss my boys (*NSYNC) though, but don't even get me started on this or i'll get sad.

until later...