Saturday, January 31, 2004

When God Closes a Door...

...some way He opens a window. That is one of my favorite lines from my favorite movie ever, THE SOUND OF MUSIC. I think about inpirational words such as these and am often struck with doubt when pessimism has clearly taken me over. Window? What window? Show me where so I can tell you if it's a valid window or not. Does it look over blue waters or camel colored fields? Or is it blocked by a brick wall? Answers, I always look for answers. If you've read my entry about faith, you'll know how easily I've lost trust in ever finding that window that I know God has opened up somewhere. WHERE IS IT HIDDEN LORD?

Content, kind, friendly, outgoing, ambitious, intuitive, optimistic...These used to be words I'd use to describe myself on a job application. Now I'm looking at terms like bitter, angry, unhappy and fed-up to fill in the lines. What happened to me? I'm chatting with Cile online right now and, bless her heart, she's saying all that she can to release me from that awful cage of self-pity and self-loathing that I seem to be trapped in. I'm afraid I'm gonna be here forever! Is there help for hopeless people such as myself?

Tuesday, January 27, 2004


Dammit! I've just spent the last hour and a half trying to figure out how to put pictures on my blog (And I wonder where all my job-hunting time goes!)!! I'll try again tomorrow. In the meantime, I'll have to rely on picture links to help me out. Just click and peruse!

IT'S ONLY 11:07 AM????????????????????????????????? WHAT???????!!!!!

OH MY GOSH! SHAME ON ME! I HAVEN'T GREETED FANTONE YET! Her birthday was yesterday and I even talked to her! I PULLED A CILE!!! Sorry Fantones! BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! I hope you had a happy one!

Monday, January 26, 2004



My sister is the captain of the varsity basketball team at St. Francis and this past Saturday, my parents and I watched her play the first game of the season. We've watched their team play before and well, they're not pros that's for sure. They appear rattled and out of sync with each other a lot of the time. And this past weekend, when the score at half-time read 24-4 (they were 4), we were sure this game would end depressingly. However, there came a glimmer of hope after the opposing team scored 12 un-answered points. Tin's friend Lissette scored 4 minutes into the second half (they play two 20-minute halves) it seemed as if a fire had been lit right under them. One of the girls from the other team shot one into THEIR basket making it 36-8 and then the game for our Lady Knights really began. My sister had hooked it in for 2 more points, then followed it with a 3-pointer from her best friend Josie. Then they caught up until it was 36-23. They lost 38-23 but it was okay. They played their hearts out those last 15 minutes and our whole side was cheering until the buzzer sounded.

I know some of you think I like to punk Tin a lot, but you also know how amazed I am by her all the time. And that night, I was as ecstatic as ever that someone got a taste of her skills as a baller. Tin's a bit of an artist and she can be really quiet, but she's a jock, make no mistake about that. She had scored 11 points by the end of the night and couldn't be more excited at their performance as a team. Maybe next time the fire'll be lit right at tip-off, but for now, we'll revel that it was ever lit at all.
Getting to know...

History: Met August 1990 on the first day of 7th grade at St. Francis of Assisi School, then classmates for 4 years at Immaculate Heart High School = 14 years and counting
Role in my life: The Shadow I’m Always Chasing - You got a taste of this fact if you've read my entry about the perfect score that Iya got on our accounting midterm. She is seriously one of the most intelligent and together people I know. As much as we make fun of her "assertiveness" and her passion to make things right in her own scary way, I know it's only because we're jealous of her ability to know what she wants and her determination to attain them. I've admired this girl since we met 14 years ago and I think I always will.
Good Times: Stalking *NSYNC (one of her more unique hobbies). I’m talkin’ parking in front of the building where KIIS FM airs because we heard a rumor that they would be there, then following a suburban because we were SURE they were in there! (Done at the insistence of Ate Tin-Tin but still!). But my favorite moments with Iya will always be our innumerable conversations as we reminisce about our past, laugh and analyze our present and anticipate (and at times worried) about our futures =)
In her own words: With both arms in the air - “WADE!!!!! WADE!!!!” (We stood outside the place where *NSYNC had their album release party for CELEBRITY when Iya spotted Wade Robson. She was YELLING and SCREAMING as he stood there...5 FEET AWAY FROM HER!)

Sunday, January 25, 2004



ok that's it. I spent the whole afternoon at a bridal expo today and i'm freakin' pooped! Two Words: SENSORY OVERLOAD!

Wednesday, January 21, 2004


I just spent the last hour and a half catching up on everyone's blogs. And I wonder why I don't have a new job yet...It's because i still have to do my second application of the crest white strips thingy for half an hour.

Oh, thanks for spending lunch with me iya! I HAD TONS OF FUN! ...although, a root canal would be more fun than sitting in my desk all day answering assonine questions asked by people who obviously shouldn't be in the business that they're in!...breathe anna...

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Baby I'm Yours

C'mon! Who knows this song by Shai? It's one of my favorite songs and to my delight, they showed the video on VH1 Soul when I got home from work today. The four guys are all chillin' and singin' a capella on the bleachers of Howard Univeristy. And guess who I realized is in that video? ANANDA LEWIS! Crazy! Anyhow, it's the ultimate sweet talk song. Just see for yourself (here comes another one of my lyric-based entries):

Baby I'm Yours

Understand girl that my heart is in your hands
And I'm cautious
Of falling in love again
So please don't hurt me, I'm scared
Don't desert me, I'm afraid.
Of being a fool, again

So Baby I'm yours, if you want me
And if you want my sweet love I'm yours
If you need me
Loving you forever, if you want me
Give me your love
Baby I'm yours, if you need me

Realize girl that my faith is kind of torn
So watch you step girl
Because my heart is weak and worn
So won't you please be careful, I'm fragile
I can't imagine the damage
I have to handle
If you hurt me one more time,
Please by mine

Baby, I've been through a whole lot of relationships,
Whole lot of broken promises,
But now I'm ready for a real one sweet heart
Yes I am
You don't have to worry baby.
Don't you every go away.

What a great, "Girl, I've got a broken heart to mend and I think you could help me" kind of song! What sap of a woman wouldn't tend to this pitiful plea?..especially if he looked like Garfield from Shai. He used to date Coco (the lead singer) from SWV. Okay, enough because if you get me started on these 90's R & B love songs I could go on forever about junior high and high school. So that's all...
Cake Nazis

Has anyone seen that episode of Seinfeld with the soup nazis? Ok maybe I'm exaggerrating just a tad, but if you've ever been to the famous OH-MY-GOD-YOU-LIVE-IN-GLENDALE-DO-YOU-GO-TO-THAT-CUBAN-BAKERY Porto's, you'd know exactly what I'm talking about.

There is a bakery on Brand Blvd here in Glendale that started out as this modest little family-owned business (go to for more details). Seriously, the place was the size of my room! Then they kept having to expand cuz EVERYBODY AND THEIR DOG WANTED SOME DAMN CHEESEROLLS! Please don't get me wrong because I think it's an awesome bakery! When you taste the light and sweet cheeserolls, or the delectible triple chocolate mousse cake topped with ruffles of white chocolate, or the tasty fruit tart that no one can seem to get tired of, or my new discovery, the tres leches cake whose bottom is drenched in condensed milk, I suppose you'd brave the long wait just to order. Yes, there are that many different pastries you will definitely not taste at any other bakery. But it's the fanatacism of it that scares me.

It's insane here THE WHOLE TIME it's open. And people from all over the nation know about this place! You know, my parents handcarried 100 cheeserolls to our family reunion in Chicago at the request of my aunts and uncles? IT'S CRAZY! On saturday afternoon I pulled out a number from one of those number machine thingies at the bakery: #419. The ticker on the wall said: "Now serving 330!" THERE WERE 89 PEOPLE AHEAD OF ME! So I stood there, getting bumped into and pushed aside and ALL I WANTED WERE 3 DOZEN CHEESEROLLS...and joe's freakin' guava cheese roll (styupid!).

Leia is always asking me, "When are you gonna take me to that Cuban bakery?" and I would love to take her there one day, but as fate would have it, we never have the time to pass by when she's at my house. It's not like you can just go in and be out in 15 minutes. With Porto's that's unheard of, unless you're planning to make a run for the kitchen, stuff your face then head for the backdoor.

Uy ve, talk about taking advantage of the sweet tooth...

Monday, January 19, 2004

Getting to know...

Vitals: Met when we were in kindergarten. He was in the morning class and I was in the afternoon class = 20 years and counting
Role in my Life: The One Who’ll Never Go Away (at least I hope not) – Randy has been there for me since forever, the first guy I ever really considered a close friend. He was the one in the 5th grade who kinda rolled his eyes when I was being pathetic about some boy who didn’t like me back. But he’s the very same friend who’ll sit there and listen to me cry about it. Seldom getting the opportunity to talk or hang out for 4 years of high school, Randy and I are always able to pick up where we left off.
Good Times: Where to begin…When we were in the 7th grade, Randy and I decided to run for student council president. At the time, the candidate with the most votes would be president and the runner-up would be vice president. Randy had told me before we started campaigning that he wanted to be VP, so he passed out flyers that said “RANDY MENDOZA for PRESIDENT” while telling each student, “Hey vote for Anna okay.”
In his own words: “I like to eat.”
Ho Hum...

If you’re praying you break your leg or catch pneumonia just so you can call in sick, does that mean you hate your job?

Sunday, January 18, 2004

The King Has Returned! (Did he ever!)

This past friday night I watched THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING for the THIRD time since it's release. Well, I saw the FELLOWSHIP once, and the TWO TOWERS twice, so I only saw it fit to see RETURN OF THE KING three times!...yup, there's no logic in that whatsoever, but I couldn't help it. No but serously, my main purpose on friday WAS to accompany those (Iya, Joe and Randy) who had not the pleasure of viewing the excellent film yet. I loved how Iya would tap me every other scene if she had a question! One time during the movie we moved in at the same time and bumped heads! But I digress...

The first time I saw FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, I thought it was a scary movie. I jumped a couple times during the film (when Bilbo's face turns monstrous when he asks Frodo to give him the ring at Rivendell and when Galadriel becomes this creepy, evil ghost lady when the fellowship was in Lorien). But then I saw it a second time in the comfort of my own living room and I was suddenly inspired (not only by Orlando Bloom), but by the story itself. By the time THE TWO TOWERS had been released, I had become a fan. I read all three books (save for the HOBBIT, which is my next venture) and waited anxiously for the third installment of Tolkien's masterpiece.

So I've sat in the theater for 3 hours and 21 minutes (THREE TIMES) for RETURN OF THE KING and each time I was nothing short of enthralled at this epic on the big screen before me. The film is so powerful, with its battle scenes, and at times so heartwrenching that you forget it's a fantasy (or is it?). Even though I had read the books and I knew what scenes were to follow, I was scared for Frodo & Sam with that evil and conniving Gollum hanging on them; I was proud of Pippin and Merry, who although had thought they were too little to fight for themselves, much less all of Middle Earth, showed themselves to be worth of the greatest honor one can bestow on such courageous beings; I saw the fear and doubt in Gandalf, who everyone depends on for guidance; I was anxious for Aragorn to apply that courage and fearlessness to the regal future before him and rescue his beloved Arwen from a deadly fate she chose in order to be with him; I marveled at Gimli and Legolas, who through their devotion to the Aragorn and the fellowship, managed to thwart their disdain in order to form a friendship between the unlikeliest of peoples in Middle Earth; I saw Faramir & Eowyn, who (I might be killing this for someone who hasn't read the book) I couldn't be happier, formed a most perfect union symbolizing the bond between Rohan and Gondor.

Am I reading too into it? Maybe. Kinda proves the kind of genius J.R.R. Tolkien was though, doesn't it, to move his readers in the way that he has. And the genius of Peter Jackson and his team to aid our visual needs. I can't wait for the dvd...and moreover...THE EXTENDED VERSION! I predict THAT's gonna be at least 4 1/2 hours long at the very least...with this I say BRING ON THE POPCORN!

Friday, January 16, 2004


Has anyone watched THE RING? Well, if any of you know me, you’re well-aware that I don’t fare well when it comes to scary movies. I’m downright terrified of it all. It’s because I have such an active imagination! Anyhow, so this movie came out last year and everyone was trying to get me to watch. “HELL NO, YEAH RIGHT” was always my answer, I just couldn’t do it! Well, HBO was showing THE RING all weekend last week and I said to myself, “Suck it up Anna it’s just a movie.” So I ATTEMPTED to watch it Sunday morning…TOO BAD I CHANGE THE CHANNEL WHEN IT STARTS TO GET TOO SCARY FOR ME! I continued to force myself to watch the damn thing at least 3-4 more times that day and I got as far as when she fell in the hole (am I killing this for some people? I’m probably the only one who hasn’t finished watching it!), when she lifted up her arm from the water and their was all this hair on it, I screamed and ran to the kitchen.

I called my cousin that night and had her fill in all the holes since I changed the channel like 10 times! And hmm, maybe now that I know what happens, I can sit and watch it for real…NEGATIVE!

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

A Day to Give Thanks

I forgot to greet someone yesterday, January 13...BELATED HAPPY 27TH BIRTHDAY ORLANDO BLOOM!! How can we thank your lovely parents for bearing such a gift from God?

Man, I all greet Orlando but missed some special other birthdays so I'll catch up now:

December 21 - Happy 26th Bday Eric!
December 27 - Happy 20th Bday Chris & Dave! (My cousins)
December 28 - Happy Bday Tito Dannie!
December 29 - Happy 4th Bday Hayden!
January 2 - Happy 25th Bday Leia!
January 6 - Happy 50th Ninang!
January 10 - Happy 26th Bday Cahlo!

There you go! Anyone else I missed? I'll catch you next time!

Monday, January 12, 2004

Getting to know...

Vitals: Matt was my first friend when I moved here from the Philippines in 1982 but of course we’ve been cousins since birth = 25 years and counting
Role in my life: Brother I Never Had – Matt and I are the same age (we were born 6 months apart), we started school together, we used to fight over stupid toys when we were little, we keep each other company at family parties, etc. We don’t ever get mushy about it, but there hasn’t been much that’s happened in my life that Matt hasn’t witnessed and I am damn grateful for him.
Good Times: Too many to tell cuz we grew up together! But here are some highlights: When we were about 5 or 6 years old, we were singing along to one of Matt’s Disney sing-a-long tapes and he decides to stick a marshmallow up his nose!…and of course it gets stuck. He cries cuz he can’t seem to blow it out until his mom comes to the rescue. A week later, he gets a piece of rolled up paper stuck up his nose!…Around the same age, Matt and I were playing hide-n-seek and I hid in a closet that doesn’t open from the inside. When I realized this, I was crying “Matt open the door!!” and he was standing there in front of the closet yelling, “Leng come out!!!” and we went back and forth like this until my dad finally came to my aid.
In his own words: “Please man! Get this dog off me! Please! Edwin, Carlo, Dino! Get this dog off me! C’mon, it’s gonna give me nightmares!” (Matt hallucinating after too many beers)

Wednesday, January 07, 2004


Hey random...we went to revolving sushi last night and guess who was dining right across from us? David Coulier...Joey from FULL HOUSE!! hilarious!! We were debating whether we should make his day by recognizing him, but we're like...nah. Wonder who else we might see...
Killing Me Softly

There’s a song that Kelly Clarkson sings on the Love Actually soundtrack (that’s also in her album) that I adore because I think everything about it is so true. See for youself:

The Trouble With Love Is…

Love can be a many splendor thing
Can’t deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sale and fairy tales
It’ll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind
It’ll fool you every time

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It’s stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn’t care how fast you fall
And you can’t refuse the call
See you got no say at all

Now I was once a fool it’s true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world’s a deeper blue
I’m sadder but I’m wiser too
I swore I’d never love again
Swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn’t worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

Every time I turn around
I think I’ve got it all figured out
My heart keeps callin’
And I keep on fallin’
Over and over again
Yes that story always ends the same
Me, standin’ in the pourin’ rain
Seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

Again, I am no expert when it comes to relationships seeing as to how I’ve never been in one (falling-in-love type of unions anyhow). But the few times I “experienced” romantic feelings, they’ve ended up emotionally disastrous…for ME. Maybe because I bottled up the emotions, fearing the worst should the boy find out how I felt. I've also tried revealing such feelings since hiding it didn't help the last time. I took one of Iya's favorite quotes to heart in forming this decision. It goes, "What's worse, saying something and wishing you hadn't or saying nothing and wishing you had?" So I said something, but of course the end result sucked as badly as the one before when I kept my mouth shut. One of those damned if you do, damned if you don’t kind of things, that love. And then another time, I actually thought I had CONTROL over my feelings, that I could contain them if I so chose to (I'm a control freak). But of course, I couldn't contain the feelings effectively and I imploded every once in a while because there was no other outlet for the grief. Eventually the feelings wore itself out, but it took a long while.

Unrequitted love is one of the worst feelings I have ever felt (and I've felt it more than once). I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's a lingering, entrapping feeling. You own this strong emotion for someone (not that you wouldn't gladly give it away). Should you tell them? Would they reject you? Maybe. Could they return the feeling? Who knows. Are you afraid that you'll get the crappy end of the deal? Definitely. When all is said and done (or in most of my cases, nothing said and nothing done), you're still left with this longing that you can't get rid of and this is what seems to hurt you the most. And then the most horrifying thought sets in: How long is this terrible feeling gonna last? They say the love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned. As a successful alumnus of this experience, I say, AMEN to that!

Sunday, January 04, 2004

Getting to know...

Vitals: Riann was a wee little gal when we met. She lived one door away from my grandparents, which is MY house now. My room used to be HER room = about 12 years and counting
Role in my Life: Active Listener - Sometimes when you're divulging your deepest emotions to people, you can tell they're just nodding their heads to appear as though they're listening when they're not. Riann is one of the sincerest listeners I know. Most of the time, she's the one encouraging ME to talk, and it's not because she's bored. It's because she wants to help.
Good Times: Turbo Kickboxing at 24-hour fitness (or any day we decide not be lazy asses and work out) is always a party when I'm with this girl. We know when to encourage each other on the stairclimber and when to say, "more sit-ups?...nah."
In her own words: " Ate Lengy, it's okay to feel."