SEEING AND HEARING, BUT NOT BELIEVING

I just finished reading He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth To Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, a writer and consultant from Sex and the City. Thanks to Miss Mac, for bringing this insightful book into my life! I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. Every sound or song I happen to hear, every word or book I happen to read, every person I come into contact with, every occurrence I happen to witness or experience I know has a purpose for some aspect of my life. And having this book placed on my bedside table has been no exception.

I suppose the book is subjective, as most written works tend to be. The message of the authors will either be greatly appreciated, or greatly misunderstood depending on who’s reading it. As a single, 27-year old woman, here’s my take. The clearest theme of the book, obviated by the mere title, screams out “TAKE A HINT LADIES! HE’S NOT INTERESTED IN YOU!” And the pages that follow dissect the excuses from every angle.

I understand what the authors are saying, that sometimes we women are so caught up in the possibilities of love, commitment, etc that we don’t know a dead end when we see it. We strive to find (or concoct) logical explanations for rejection so we have a solid “this is why he doesn’t want to commit to me” reason. But sometimes, it’s NOT a complex question of reason or logic, just simple disinterest, and I guess that’s difficult for us to believe. “He’s not into me, why? Cuz I’m not pretty enough? Not smart enough? Not witty enough?” The number of explanations are infinite, but give me SOMETHING, right?

Joni Mitchell sings a beautiful song called “Both Sides Now,” which creates a metaphor for love in the form of clouds. She talks about how, when we look at clouds, the possibilities of their shapes are endless. One person can see one thing, while someone else sees another. That’s the cunning that clouds provide, its ambiguity. So, I suppose something will appear to be love to the person who WANTS to see love, but it doesn’t always mean that love is there. Interesting…

** By the way, someone not being into you, doesn’t necessarily mean only romantic potentials. That’s what I learned most from this book.

BOTH SIDES NOW

By: Joni Mitchell

Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere, I've looked at cloud that way.
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.
So many things I would have done but clouds got in my way.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.

Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real; I've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show. You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall.
I really don't know love at all.

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say I love you right out loud,
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads,
they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall.
I really don't know life at all.