GROWING UP and GROWING APART

Friendship is a tricky thing, isn’t it? There are times when you feel like you have to have this person or these people in your life forever and that there’s no way things would be the same without them. And then there are times when you look back at certain relationships and wonder why they ever existed. I’ve been blessed with a great number of friends. Some I’ve known since I got to the states in 1982, some I met during my most awkward adolescent years, others I encountered at a party called “undergraduate studies” and some I’ve barely met in the last few years.

We, me and these friends of mine, have seen each other through almost everything: first (and sometimes second and third) broken hearts, first shot at politics, first jobs, first dates, movie-opening nights, graduations, car accidents, “study breaks,” a loved one’s death, a quarter-life crises – you name it, we’ve probably supported each other through it, all the while managing to live our own lives. But things don’t always remain this way because people change, often growing tired of the same company and the same attitudes, losing interest and tolerance for the seemingly mundane way of life. Where we used to find comfort and peace, we now see uneasiness and discord.

“There is no growth without change.” I’ve heard that said to me over and over again. I’ve always welcomed change, but I realized that it was only under the condition that things change the way I want them too so that I wouldn’t have to be the one who has to grow accustomed to something new. I’m a semi-creature of habit, what can I say? But I understand now that the things we want most to stay the same, are the things most likely to evolve. Friendship is one such thing because they involve the most complex people of all time: us.

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known someone. The amount of time you’ve spent with one another isn’t the only thing that maintains friendship’s bonds through the years. It’s the amount and direction of growth you experience together, not to mention the love and respect you share for one another, that keep those bonds protected, even through life’s most tumultuous weather. Unfortunately sometimes, even THAT isn’t enough. It’s these times when we realize that not all bonds are unbreakable. Some chains choose to become loosed or unlinked. This is when we have to accept that growing up sometimes cause friends to grow apart. It’s not sad. It’s just reality, so what's the use in fighting it?