UNAGI

According to Ross Gellar, that’s Japanese for “a total sense of awareness.” That’s what I’ve been trying to practice lately – this total sense of awareness of everything and everyone around me. I’ve somehow managed to magnify my awareness of people’s words and their actions, as well as awareness of my OWN words and actions. And on top of that, I just feel more in sync with the nature of things around me. It’s a strange feeling, really and truly SEEING things for what seems like the first time, but I love it.

Case in point: When I lived in DC, I took picture upon picture of trees. My co-workers were so amused by my fascination. “What’s the big deal?” they used to ask me. And I told them how lucky they were to be able to see their surroundings change with the seasons. I used to complain that all we had here in California, aside from the palm trees, were other trees that stayed green all year long; trees whose foliage never shown their autumn hues, and whose leaves never went bare in the winter time. But then a couple of months ago I was driving down Glenoaks Blvd in Burbank when I realized something: The line of island dividers on the street suddenly caught my eye. The trees that adorned these center dividers all the way down this long boulevard were bright with yellow, orange, red and brown leaves. Picture me distracted, almost getting into a few accidents because I’m staring at trees. I was slightly hypnotized I suppose. And now those same trees are naked branches, heavy with morning dew (actually, lately they’ve been heavy with a lot more than just dew haven’t they?). I find myself observing them on my drive back home, anxious for the first green to appear in the spring.

I know it sounds dumb to be affected so out of the blue by trees! But it wasn’t JUST the trees that made me take notice. It’s what they stand for. These trees stand for situations in my life that I often choose to be blind to. They’re fears that cause me to keel over and hide, terrified of consequences that I don’t think I can handle. These trees stand for abilities I seem to have lost the desire to use because I don’t think they’re remotely comparable to what they were before. These trees are the parts of me that I’ve been praying I would be able to redeem somehow, someday. I never fully realized that it was up to ME to do the redeeming!

I guess practicing “unagi” is just the beginning of this whole redemption process. This total sense of awareness isn’t a real chore, I discovered, when I’m not trying so hard to attain it. Just…let yourself be...