contemplate [kon-tuhm-pleyt]

to look at or view with continued attention; observe or study thoughtfully; to consider thoroughly; think fully or deeply about

Synonyms include: consider, deliberate, ruminate

"The closer one gets to realizing his Personal Legend,

the more that Personal Legend becomes his true reason for
being."

~ The Alchemist, Paul Coelho

A couple of weeks ago, after I had arranged (and re-arranged) the boxes and gift bags under our Christmas tree, I stood back to make sure that that corner of the living room was neat and that no gifts were in the way.

"Hmmm," I said to my dad, "why does it look like we bought more gifts this year than last year?"

"I know, huh? Even during the recession? That's good." Dad said.

He walked away and still I stood there. Thank you, God.

My dad's company closed the week before Christmas and the place where he had worked for almost 30 years is now merely a shell of a building bereft of it's loyal tenants. It's loyal tenants are all now without jobs, including my father, who is probably the hardest working man I know. It tore me up when he told me. The first thing I could think of was how much of Dad's life he had dedicated to that place and how, in the last year or so, he had seen foreshadowings of this company's demise. In all that time, though, I never thought it would actually close.

Those gifts under our tree, though, and my dad's reaction, somehow gave me some comfort in the midst of all the worry. My parents have never hidden their worries from me and my sister and now, above all, their concern for how finances (or lack thereof) could affect our household are as obvious as they can be. But the one thing my parents have also never kept hidden is their unfailing faith that God would provide.

That's what I seem to learn each year, in so many different ways, and 2009 was no exception. I try, each time I'm challenged with a confusing or unfavourable situation, to remember a quote from my favorite movie. "When the Lord closes a door, some way He opens a window." I shove those words down my throat every time I feel myself wanting to cry that life dealt me another unfair hand. In the wake of every difficult moment, though, is another that forces you to move on.

Move on to the next project, the next venture, the next opportunity that soul searches are made of. 2009 was full of opportunities, and those I took advantage of, I can say heartily, have given me courage to seek the next. I'm reminded everyday that life is a work in progress. A year ago, I probably wouldn't be okay with admitting that, control freak that I am. But somehow, accepting that my purpose is on a rolling deadline is, well, a relief.

I'm thankful for every moment that I've shared with everyone who I have been fortunate to have in my world (physically or via Facebook and Twitter). I hope 2009 was a good year for all of you reading this, and if it wasn't, I pray that 2010 will bring you new beginnings.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS BLITZ!

Today's Reflection forward of the day
(Thanks to my cousin, Aimee!)

Everything we need to deal with life's problems lies within us. Our trials are tests to see if we can discover the solution. Lord, I call out Your name when I face my difficulties and together we will overcome them.

livelihood [lahyv-lee-hood]

a means of supporting one's existence, esp. financially or vocationally

Synonyms include: living, means, sustenance, support

It's unusual that I'd forget something like posting a "Happy Thanksgiving!" greeting on my blog. I've often scheduled posts of that nature days ahead of time so I won't forget, knowing full well that I'm probably the only one who, pardon my language, gives a shit whether or not I did. So you missed writing about ONE holiday, Anna. You've still got Christmas and New Year's, right? But then I came home an hour ago, and as I got ready for bed, running the day's events through my head, I suddenly felt compelled to sit down and type out this random stream of consciousness.

I woke up this morning...I greeted my 83-year old grandmother hello...I had lunch at Yardhouse this afternoon with some of my aunts...I bought a pair of new flats...My 84- year old grandfather and I were joking around as he sped down the 210...Ninang said that Tito Boy was craving ice cream...I went to the garage to get something from my car...Dad brought up a basket of laundry that he had done for me...I chit-chatted with mom about needing a cute sweater to go with my dress...I wrapped some gifts...I went to the ATM to withdraw cash...I edited photos as Tin recounted her day at work...I hugged Jhoette...I ate at a Chinese restaurant with friends...Mary-Clare fell asleep while I was holding her...I took pictures...I patted Iya's tummy and said, "Hello babies!"...I cried a tiny bit with Rochelle...I laughed so hard I started choking...Riann and Joe drove me home...and now I'm blogging.

These are how and why I'm alive; not for or because of huge life-altering milestones, but for the small pockets of time that are inserted so carefully into each of my days that I barely notice them building such a blessed lifetime.

I could go on and on about how thankful I am for my family, my friends, my job and everything I have because of it, but trying to do so would seem futile. I could try to sound clever or poignant, but there are just not enough sentiments in the universe that could describe the gratitude I feel for this life that God decided I get to have. Sometimes I have to ask, "Lord, me? You're letting me have this?" A few moments after, I often feel a warmth in my chest and all I can say or think is...

Thank you.

disarray [dis-uh-rey]

disorder; confusion

Synonyms include: disorder; confusion

I can't wait until my right foot is no longer wrapped in gauze and ace bandages so I don't have to wrap it in plastic every time I have to take a shower.  I can't wait until I no longer have to wear this big bulky boot so I can wear both of my shoes. I can't wait until I can hop around, jump around...heck, I can't wait until I can stand without cringing because it just plain hurts. In another week or so, I know I'll be all good because all this waiting should be over and I'll be healed! To that I will surely yell, "Amen!"

To think this all started with a sprained ankle that I didn't rest enough and just allowed to get worse and worse over the last 2 years. My goodness, did I honestly think it was just going to go away?! Talk about self-proclaimed prophecy! I have a bad habit of going on like something isn't bothering me in hopes that if I stayed quiet, whatever it was would walk away and leave me alone. Oh weak ankle, accessory navicular, poor little tendon - I'm so sorry for ignoring you.

I've had to take impromptu days off from the office and have tried to work from home because of all these surgeries that I did not think were not so minor. I hate not being prepared; and worse, I hate not helping other people like my boss and co-workers get prepared in my absence. My room is a hot mess too...well, by MY standards anyway. It's dusty, the laundry is piling up and grrrr, I hate that. I need to write and edit photos, but these pain helpers =) make me so drowsy I can barely sit up. 

Sooooo, are pain killers supposed to kill the pain or knock you out so that you don't feel any? Just wondered about that today.

Anyhow, I didn't mean to sound like a big, fat complainer. Just wanted to say I can't wait until I no longer have right foot issues. =) There are far greater things and people in my life whose health I'm praying for. Tendinitis fails in comparison and more than anything, I can't wait for them to get better even sooner.

Shannon, Ron-Ron with...Toni Braxton?!

Toni Braxton playin cougar to Shannon Brown (who looks kinda hottie) and then replacing him with Ron Artest! Random! And you know how Shannon kinda looks like Chris Brown? Do you love that one scene where Toni had Rihanna's short haircut? Hmmm....

tendon [ten-duhn]

Anatomy. a cord or band of dense, tough, inelastic, white, fibrous tissue, serving to connect a muscle with a bone or part; sinew

Synonyms include: pain in my rear

This morning when I woke up, I wasn't sure what felt worse - knowing that the Lakers let punks like Chris Andersen, Kenyon Martin and JR Smith kick them to the curb, or the fact that in a few hours, Dr. Blaine would be sticking a big fat needle into my ankle. At 5:45 am, it was a toss-up. I did manage to forget last night's game though, trying to be a more sensible fan these days and realizing that in an 82 game season, losses, though never easy to swallow, are part of the game and if Kobe wasn't worried, why should I be?

Anyhow, Mom and Dad kindly accompanied me to to the Atlantic Medical Center in Long Beach so that I wouldn't have to bother with medical transport, as interesting as an experience that might've been. At around 7:30 am, I walked into the most hospitable waiting room I'd ever seen. The floors were cherry hardwood, accented with white moldings, and the walls were painted a warm taupe. A large couch upholstered with a lovely floral pattern sat by the window; in front of it was a coffee table topped with magazines, a flatscreen tv was mounted on the wall, and surrounding it all were armchairs fit for any country-themed living room. They really know how to make a patient feel comfortable here, I thought.

After filling out the necessary consent forms (and a few rounds of paper toss on my iTouch. Man, I suck at that game), I was ushered in and asked to get dressed. "Hospital gown and shower cap? I thought, for a cortisone injection on my ankle? But who am I to question pre-procedure routines, right? I got dressed and was asked to wait in a make-shift patient's room, complete with hospital bed, monitors of every kind, plastic storage bins...and a flatscreen tv? haha. Funny. I've NEVER had to sit on a hospital bed as a patient before. I really thought this injection would be like a flu shot, which I've also never had but my point is, I thought it would be a quick procedure. I think after the nurse asked me a round of medical history/background questions, I finally realized what a big deal this was turning out to be.

Dr. Blaine, a man of about 60 I'm guessing, is tall, with gray hair and a mustache to match. Seriously the nicest, friendliest doctor I've ever had. He came in and explained that I actually had a torn tendon in my ankle. Shocker. I really had no idea. So in addition to the cortisone shot, he would also be doing an additional procedure to repair the tendon. My goodness, how could I have gone on the last 2 years with a torn tendon?!

There were so many people who helped me this morning. The nurse who settled me in to the room, a medical assistant who ran some nervous and vascular system tests, a physicians assistant who came in for a last round of checks, the nurse who had the unlucky task of trying to find a vein on my arm to set up the IV and the anesthesiology nurse. In addition to Dr. Blaine, was also Dr. Freeman, the anesthesiologist, dealer of the "happy juice."

After all the pre-op stuff, which took about 2 hours, I finally laid down in the operating room, feet propped up on a firm pillow, happy juice running through my veins and before you could say, chronic tendonosis, I was out.

I woke up to a nurse asking if I was feeling okay and if I wanted some crackers and juice. In not exactly these words, I said, Hell yes, I'm starving. In the next 20 minutes or so, I had my IV taken out, I was snacking on Keebler cheese and crackers, sipping on apple juice and wearing my new boot. Another boot.

I got dressed, a nurse wheeled me out to the elevator to meet my dad, and before we got in, Dr. Blaine came running out with a box from Polly's Pies to bid me good-bye until my next follow-up appointment. Oh, and he also gave me a pair of tickets to a Clippers-Rockets game on December 2nd. Section 117! Who wants to join me? =)

"If you can't make it that day," he said, "call me and I'll give you another game." Heck, I'll take this game. I'll get to see Trevor!

Wow...when did doctors start giving out pies and basketball tickets to their patients? My parents said that when they were in the waiting room, a nurse came in carrying boxes and boxes of pies! Crazy.

Now I'm home, in my boot, my foot still numb, which I'm not going to complain about because I don't know how much pain to anticipate. I've got two choices of meds to help me out: Ultram for minor pain relief and, if the pain feels unbearable, dependable ol' Vicodin.

And that is my Saturday so far. Time to fold some laundry...

intestinal fortitude [in-tes-tuh-nl fawr-ti-tood]
courage and perseverance; grit; pluck: a euphemism for “guts”
Synonyms include: well...what the previous line has =)

Phil Jackson used this term once to describe Derek Fisher. At first I was like, "what? Derek Fisher's intestines?" Selective hearing, I know. But his point was, D Fish has some guts! Must've been talking about Game 4 =)

Guts...not exactly a word I would use to describe too much of myelf. I feel like a coward when it comes to so many situations and I've hidden it under the guise of "peacemaker" or "easygoing" or "faithful." The truth was sometimes, I just didn't have the guts to fight for or believe in myself, and when you can't do that, what's left of your purpose in life?

I'm so very blessed to have people in my life who are always cheering me on, encouraging me, helping me see something in myself that I refuse to believe I could have. Maybe it's a fear of failure; maybe it's a fear of succeeding; maybe it's a fear of placing myself in a position where I'll be heralded one second, and called a fraud the next. For every prayer I say asking to achieve something, is another dozen prayers asking for help to keep it. Prayer feeds the soul, but faith is what keeps you full and I think my lack of it is what has kept me so famished lately despite daily feedings =)

I blogged a little while ago about disappointment, and how I have little to no effective way of handling it. In the end I was reminded of a line from my favorite movie and many related thoughts and words of wisdom...

When the Lord closes a door, some way He opens a window.

When God says No to one thing, He's saying Yes to something else.

God said, "No you can't go to CalTech and be an engineer, but you can go to UC Irvine and discover what you love and you can meet friends that you'll have forever."

"No you can't stay in Washington, DC, but you can come home and help raise the baby sister you prayed for."

"No you can't buy a Lexus IS (like I really needed it), because you'll love the Rav4 more."

"No you can't get paid to write for the LA Times or the New Yorker or freakin' Martha Stewart Living...(yet), but how about writing about something that you actually love for nothing more than the satisfaction of knowing you wrote it?"

That prayer that asks for serenity to accept things we can't change, also asks for the courage to change the things we can. Courage...guts...intestinal fortitude...

Love you guys and I can't wait to meet the little ones!!! =)

Thanks, B. McKnight!

Today my daily calendar says to me:

"When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere."
~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld

disappoint [dis-uh-point]
to fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of; to defeat the fulfillment of (hopes, plans, etc.); thwart
Synonyms include: sadden, dismay, frustrate

If there's one feeling I'm the most incapable of handling, it's disappointment. At the beginning and end of it is that loaded word: expectation; or in disappointment's case, the total destruction or omission thereof.

For many, many, many years now, I have ered on the side of caution. My expectations of people, opportunity, etc are relatively conservative. I don't like "putting all my eggs in one basket." In other words, I hate expecting something and not getting it. I hate feeling happy about the possibility of something and not having it happen. Some people have accused me of being a pessimist, which I am not. Pessimism is the tendency to see, anticipate, or emphasize only bad or undesirable outcomes. I don't try to see, anticipate or emphasize anything, bad or good. I like to have an open mind about it.

There have been times, however, when something or someone comes along and you can't help but hope that it's something that will bring you goodness and happiness. You don't expect it, but you hope for it. In the end though, when the goodness and happiness decide not to show up, you're left with that awful feeling of disappointment. You start wondering if you had anything to do with what did or didn't happen. And then you have no choice but to ask God, quite literally sometimes if you're me, "What the heck was all that about?!" Then you stare as one door closes and pray that another one will open, and stay open for good.

God grant me

Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can, and

Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,

not as I would have it;

trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His will;

that I may be reasonably

happy in this life and supremely happy

with Him forever in the next.

Amen.

NBA Season Starts today!

And I can't wait to see more of this...

The quest for banner #16...LET'S GO GET IT!

New Laker Ritual

There's a new rule in the NBA that players on the sidelines aren't allowed to stand up. The bench used to stand until the first made field goal, but because of the new rule, they figured out something else to do. HAHAHA!

I've tweeted, facebooked and emailed people about it so why not blog about it? =)

So I saw a link to this article from the Philadelphia Inquirer on ESPN.com, and dude I swear...haters find every and any reason to hate on Kobe…even during BASEBALL season. The Phillies could be on the verge of a back to back world series championship, and this guy decides to write about what a douchebag Kobe Bryant is because he's rooting for the Dodgers. Classy…

My favorite line is,"Since Kobe is an L.A. guy now, I'll put it in terms Hollywood made famous so he'll understand: You never go against the family." Aaah yes...this is the same family who, when you won the MVP award during the All-Star game in your "hometown" of Philly, they booed you. Again...classy...

NBA 2k10: Kobe Bryant vs Derrick Rose

Aaaw, how funny!

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually fear you will make one."
~ Elbert Hubbard

relinquish [ri-ling-kwish]

to renounce or surrender; to give up; put aside or desist from; to let go; release

Synonyms include: let go, surrender, withdraw

Everytime I hear Carrie Underwood’s “Jesus, Take the Wheel,” I always well up. In the song, she sings metaphorically about letting God take over when situations feel out of our control. A minor leaguer in control issues, I am guilty of often placing myself in a miserable hole when things don’t go the way I hope they would or when I find myself outside a position to determine a likable outcome.

I never want to be the one who gave in, which, I used to think, is what "let go, let God" meant. I had it so wrong. Sometimes, when you feel like you've done all you can, hoped all you can, prayed all you can, the only thing left to do is hand over all you can to heaven and have faith that no matter how bad a situation appears or feels, it will all be ok in the end.

We all think we're superheroes in this life; that we can do any and everything absolutely...with hopefully little to no help from anyone but ourselves. But it can get tired, and sometimes, as Carrie suggests, you have to let God drive. I'm sure He knows where you're headed...

Jesus, take the wheel

Take it from my hands

Cause I can't do this on my own

I'm letting go

So give me one more chance

To save me from this road I'm on

Jesus, take the wheel

wisdom [wiz-duhm]
the quality or state of being wise; knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight
Synonyms include: acumen, knowledge

Lately (possibly the last couple of months), I've been experiencing some frustration. Actually, I wouldn't call it frustration. We'll call it apathy instead, which in my eyes is worse than being frustrated. I've been learning to train my "photographer's eye" for quite some time now, looking at photoblog after photoblog, hoping that one day, my images would evoke the same emotions I feel when I look at pictures by other photographers. It's not that I've stopped caring to keep learning. I just feel like I'm trying too hard manipulate an image into what I THINK it should look like, that I've grown apathetic towards the one thing that made me want to learn in the first place - the simple love of taking pictures.

My writing regimen has suffered for this same reason. Until recently, I hadn't felt inspired much to write in any form - a submission for possible publication, blogging and even journaling. I used to have a lot more to say and lately I seem to have lost interest in discussing anything, even on paper. Then Twitter and Facebook came along - well, why blog when you can provide hourly details of your doings phrase by incomplete phrase? Oy...Where was the furious scribbler/typer I once knew? She got lazy and she didn't want to talk about it.

Then...I got some advice from two great guys - my friend, Ja Tecson who is wise way beyond his years even though I still think of him as a child; and Derek Fisher, whose book Character Driven, I'm milking for every drop of wisdom I can get. Two ballers, two nice guys, two men who, of late, have helped me figure some things out.

"There are 2 journeys [to finding your style]: One is learning to shoot and being confident to adapt to most situations, mastering the craft, which we'll always be students [of], and then...mastering your style is the next journey. You just need to figure out what style you love most, [but] the truth of the matter is - your style will change every year. [And] you'll just know when you look at your photographs. Only you can judge it in the end. You'll either say to yourself, 'I love it...or I'm not happy with it.' That's the hardest part I guess - rebelling against what you've created and trying to turn it up a notch." ~ Ja Tecson

"Work hard, develop your fundamentals, attack your weaknesses, and always do the right thing." ~ Derek Fisher

persistent [per-sis-tuhnt]

lasting or enduring tenaciously; persisting, esp. in spite of opposition, obstacles, discouragement, etc.; persevering

Synonyms include: determined, insistent, incessant, perseverant

I just finished listening to my aunt tell me and mom the most amusing and amazing story of my cousin's recent engagement. Long story, short, she'd been single all her life (she just turned 41 years old in July) until she came into contact again with an old classmate who she hadn't seen or spoken to for more than a decade. Now, she's getting married. Before we got off the phone, my aunt said, "Good things really come to those who wait patiently."

I've been told this so many times, on so many different occasions which called for one of the most common cliches (is that redundant?) in the world of cliches. Hearing it the first few times, I said, "I know. I will be." Hearing it 525,600 times? You learn to turn a deaf ear because the apparent waiting had yet to produce those good things. Waiting is frustrating, but I didn't realize until lately exactly why.

Chemical Engineering flashback (eeeks!): There are two kinds of energy - potential and kinetic. Potential Energy gives you the capability to do work. Kinetic Energy is the energy possesed by objects in motion.

Like energy, there are two types of waiting - the kind that makes you sit and wait for something or someone good to happen to you, and the kind that makes you do something to get the waiting to stop. I'm a shameful fan of the first type of waiting, and it's mostly due to fear - fear that the waiting will never end and I won't be able to do anything about it. And if I did decide to act, the fear of failure was even greater. Hmmm....I'd rather be kinetic.

"Limits, like fears, are often just an illusion." ~ Michael Jordan

"The grand essentials for happiness are something to do, something to love and something to hope for." ~ Chalmers

What I'd give for one of these right now...

Off to the UK we must go!!!

Look who finally came out to play...

Half Riann...half Joe...

Born on September 1, 2009 at exactly 8:28 am...

Baby Mary-Clare aka MC!

Welcome to our world, dearest one!

You're loved so much by so many already!

CONGRATULATIONS, MAMA & PAPA!!

opus [oh-puhs]

a musical composition; great writing of music or writing

Synonyms include: composition, creation, piece

When I think of musical geniuses, it is not only images of Mozart or Beethoven that come to mind. An individual who lives in our time, and has a unique aptitude for creating sounds that not only complement our moving pictures, but truly make them come to life is none other than John Williams.

John Williams is truly a modern day genius. He composes a unique harmony for practically every character, every scene in a movie, yet somehow manages to bring each sound together to create a most distinguishable, and easily identifiable melody for that particular film. I am no expert at identifying what instruments are making which sound, no matter how intently I'm listening to a song. That's why attending a concert like the L.A. Philharmonic playing John Williams pieces is something that I will always appreciate. It's funny how actually seeing someone play the flute or the harp during a song makes you say, "Oh! That's what's making that sound!" Well, it's funny to me anyways =)
Last night, John Williams spent the first half of the concert conducting an orchestra of L.A.'s finest instrumentalists through a tribute of Harry Potter's mystical, magical melodies. Legendary English actress, Lynn Redgrave introduced each segment of music, while scenes from the past films played on a big screen. It only took a few notes of the xylophone for the audience of over 13,000 to sit in silence, reveling in the abstract machinations of J.K. Rowling, not to mention John Williams.

The second half of the concert was like a night outside with a tribute to the world's most famous movie soundtracks: Catch Me If You Can, Casablanca, Witches of Eastwick, Dracula, Superman, ET, and of course, so as not to disappoint the lightsaber-wielding attendees, Star Wars.

The Hollywood Bowl is, byfar, my favorite place to watch a concert. On a summer evening when the heat (even at 9:00 pm) can be bothersome, it's nice to sit outside beneath a cloudless sky, sipping champagne from a red plastic cup, and listening to music that you know you'll remember always.

logo [loh-goh]

Also called logotype. a graphic representation or symbol of a company name, trademark, abbreviation, etc., often uniquely designed for ready recognition.

Synonyms include: brand, trademark, emblem, imprint, symbol

A couple of months ago, I asked our very talented friend, Andrew, to design a logo for me. I'm not g0ing into business or anything (at least not anytime in the near future), but I just wanted kind of a "stamp" to put on my photos, letterhead...maybe a business card someday. I figured, I didn't have an idea of where to even begin making one up, so I asked someone who I knew knew a thing or two about design.

Andrew was gracious enough to use his time to do this and when he showed me the finished product, I was seriously, not only impressed, but really touched. He even created this "concept sheet" that talks about why he chose the font he chose and what, based on what he knew of me, would be an appropriate symbol. I really couldn't believe how much time he put into it and I'm so grateful. Thank you so much, Andrew!

To see how I paid Andrew back for his work, check this out.

Alrighty, I have another article to write and it's 10:55 pm. I just needed to warm up =)

Thoughts for the weekend...

"If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning."
~ Mahatma Gandhi

"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Too Cute!

What My Kids Are Going to be Subjected to...

HAPPY 6th ANNIVERSARY BLOG!!!

nightmare [nahyt-mair]
a terrifying dream in which the dreamer experiences feelings of helplessness, extreme anxiety, sorrow, etc.
Synonyms include: bad dream, hallucination

A few years ago, I used to have a recurring dream: I’d be driving (on the 110 through downtown, on the 101 through the hills of Ventura to go to work, through the windy roads of Tuscany even) and there would come a point when I’d close my eyes and suddenly become completely unable to open them. I didn’t want to pull over because I couldn’t see where I was going, so I just kept driving in utter fear until I woke up. I looked it up and found the following:

“To dream that you are driving a vehicle, signifies your life's journey and your path in life. The dream is telling of how you are moving and navigating through life. If you are driving and cannot see the road ahead of you, then it indicates that you do not know where you are headed in life and what you really want to do with yourself. You are lacking direction and goals. If you are driving on a curvy road, then it indicates that you are have difficulties in achieving your goals and the changes associated with it.”

I haven’t had that dream in a long time. Actually, I stopped having that dream when I got to this job in 2006. 2006, as far as I can remember, was a great year for me. At the time, I felt like I was finally starting to truly figure out what I wanted to do with this life of mine. Write…take pictures - basically I learned what it took to feel and be happy. Since then – as all lives tend to become and I am certainly no exception – happiness seemed to require more work than before and I simply lost track of the whos, whats, whys and hows of my "effortless" lifestyle.

A few weeks ago I had a terrible dream. I was driving home from work and a pick-up truck filled with gun-weilding men were speeding about 2 cars and 2 lanes before me. When I realized (in the dream) that a bullet was headed my way, I slammed on the gas but before I knew it, a darkness had pulled me and I was standing on the balcony of my church, watching my friends and family below mourning over a casket that I knew was mine. I have NEVER dreamt of my own death. When I woke, I couldn't believe how relieved I was.

I looked it up all the facets of my nightmare and found the following:

"To dream of your own death, indicates a transitional phase in your life. You are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Alternatively, you are trying desperately to escape the demands of your daily life."

"To see a gun in your dream, symbolizes aggression, anger, and potential danger. You may be dealing with issues of passiveness/aggressiveness and authority/dependence."

"To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun, suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You may feel victimized in some situation."

"To dream of your own funeral, symbolizes an ending to a situation or aspect of yourself. You may be repressing some of your feelings or parts of yourself and the dream may be a signal for you to recognize and acknowledge those feelings. Instead of confronting a situation, you are dealing with it by burying it and trying to forget about it.”

"To dream that you are in a church, suggests that you are seeking for some spiritual enlightenment and guidance. You are looking to be uplifted in some way. Perhaps you have made some mistakes in the past which have set you back on your path toward your goals. With proper support, you will get on the right track again. Alternatively, it may also mean that you are questioning and debating your life path and where it is leading. You are reevaluating what you want to do.”

(All from Dream Moods http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/)

Geez...intense…

hypocrisy [hi-pok-ruh-see]

a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not really possess

Synonyms include: deceipt, deception, duplicity

I just finished watching the second episode of the new season of America’s Best Dance Crew and…I’m a little ticked off. The “challenge” this week was to do a “signature move” from one of Beyonce’s videos. First of all, two of the crews had to work with props and the other crews just had to incorporate a dance move. How fair is that? Second of all, the post-performance commentary and deliberation (or lack thereof) from the judges after the bottom two crews danced was just laughable.

The bottom two crews were the all-girl Artistry in Motion from L.A. (with Donyelle from So You Think You Can Dance – Season 2!) and Afroborique, the 3-couple crew representing the Latin flavors of Cuba and Puerto Rico. Artistry in Motion had to dance with freakin’ chains from Beyonce’s “Diva” video and Afroborique had to incorporate bellydancing moves from the “Beautiful Liar” video. Ummm, ok.

After they both performed, Li’l Mama – who rarely has anything constructive to say – said that Artistry in Motion had the most challenging task of the night but did a good job because it was high energy and well-performed. Personally, I think that, based on 2 episodes, they have some of the best and intricate choreography. Shane Sparks’ comments about Afroborique were all about how the 3 girls were probably the hottest women to ever be on the show, how they were all so sexy, and this one move was the sexiest move he’s ever seen, etc. And then it went to commercial so the judges could decide who to eliminate. Surprise, surprise – Artistry in Motion got booted.

I have no problem with Afroborique. I think they’re freakin’ awesome. But based on what Shane Sparks said last week about Artistry in Motion, followed by his comments about Afroborique this week, I just couldn’t help but feel duped. Last week, everyone was on Artistry in Motion’s jock because of what they said they stand for; which is to be proud of what they look like – their different faces, their different body shapes. And then to be eliminated against a group who got more comments about how hot they looked than how well they danced, it’s no wonder they all looked shocked and couldn’t help but cry.

I cringe when people (especially women) are bombarded with tv shows, movies, commercials, and articles about how proud we should be with how we look, no matter how overweight, wafe-thin, short, tall, dark, or light we are. It’s then only followed by the same media telling us the exact opposite. A…ma…zing…

Anyhoo...yay, I'm blogging again! =)

This clip art thing from Word CRACKS ME UP!

For some reason, it's brightened my day...

ruminate [roo-muh-neyt]
to meditate or muse; ponder
Synonyms include: brainstorm, brood, contemplate

Everyday, Jovi forwards me these Thoughts for the Day emails that she receives each morning. They're always such insightful pearls of inspiration or wisdom. Today's thought is an excellent one and I just have to share it...

Look for Goodness

In everything, goodness is there. Our goal is to find it. In every person, the best is there. Our job is to recognise it. In every situation, the positive is there. Our opportunity is to see it. In every problem, the solution is there. Our responsibility is to provide it. In every setback, the success is there. Our adventure is to discover it. In every crisis, the reason is there. Our challenge is to understand it. By seeing the goodness, we'll be very enthusiastic and our lives will be richer.

I know it's been awhile since I've blogged anything worth more than a birthday reminder, greeting, or complaint about the dramatic world that is the Los Angeles Lakers. I've been dying for some time to write but have pretty much painted myself into a corner where there isn't much room to budge. But, like this thought for the day suggests, I'm sure there's goodness and reason for all of it...

WEIRD!

(and a little sad)

But welcome to L.A. Ron Artest, you weirdo.