Thursday, October 29, 2009

disappoint [dis-uh-point]
to fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of; to defeat the fulfillment of (hopes, plans, etc.); thwart
Synonyms include: sadden, dismay, frustrate

If there's one feeling I'm the most incapable of handling, it's disappointment. At the beginning and end of it is that loaded word: expectation; or in disappointment's case, the total destruction or omission thereof.

For many, many, many years now, I have ered on the side of caution. My expectations of people, opportunity, etc are relatively conservative. I don't like "putting all my eggs in one basket." In other words, I hate expecting something and not getting it. I hate feeling happy about the possibility of something and not having it happen. Some people have accused me of being a pessimist, which I am not. Pessimism is the tendency to see, anticipate, or emphasize only bad or undesirable outcomes. I don't try to see, anticipate or emphasize anything, bad or good. I like to have an open mind about it.
There have been times, however, when something or someone comes along and you can't help but hope that it's something that will bring you goodness and happiness. You don't expect it, but you hope for it. In the end though, when the goodness and happiness decide not to show up, you're left with that awful feeling of disappointment. You start wondering if you had anything to do with what did or didn't happen. And then you have no choice but to ask God, quite literally sometimes if you're me, "What the heck was all that about?!" Then you stare as one door closes and pray that another one will open, and stay open for good.
God grant me
Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and
Wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will;
that I may be reasonably
happy in this life and supremely happy
with Him forever in the next.

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