intestinal fortitude [in-tes-tuh-nl fawr-ti-tood]
courage and perseverance; grit; pluck: a euphemism for “guts”
Synonyms include: well...what the previous line has =)

Phil Jackson used this term once to describe Derek Fisher. At first I was like, "what? Derek Fisher's intestines?" Selective hearing, I know. But his point was, D Fish has some guts! Must've been talking about Game 4 =)

Guts...not exactly a word I would use to describe too much of myelf. I feel like a coward when it comes to so many situations and I've hidden it under the guise of "peacemaker" or "easygoing" or "faithful." The truth was sometimes, I just didn't have the guts to fight for or believe in myself, and when you can't do that, what's left of your purpose in life?

I'm so very blessed to have people in my life who are always cheering me on, encouraging me, helping me see something in myself that I refuse to believe I could have. Maybe it's a fear of failure; maybe it's a fear of succeeding; maybe it's a fear of placing myself in a position where I'll be heralded one second, and called a fraud the next. For every prayer I say asking to achieve something, is another dozen prayers asking for help to keep it. Prayer feeds the soul, but faith is what keeps you full and I think my lack of it is what has kept me so famished lately despite daily feedings =)

I blogged a little while ago about disappointment, and how I have little to no effective way of handling it. In the end I was reminded of a line from my favorite movie and many related thoughts and words of wisdom...

When the Lord closes a door, some way He opens a window.

When God says No to one thing, He's saying Yes to something else.

God said, "No you can't go to CalTech and be an engineer, but you can go to UC Irvine and discover what you love and you can meet friends that you'll have forever."

"No you can't stay in Washington, DC, but you can come home and help raise the baby sister you prayed for."

"No you can't buy a Lexus IS (like I really needed it), because you'll love the Rav4 more."

"No you can't get paid to write for the LA Times or the New Yorker or freakin' Martha Stewart Living...(yet), but how about writing about something that you actually love for nothing more than the satisfaction of knowing you wrote it?"

That prayer that asks for serenity to accept things we can't change, also asks for the courage to change the things we can. Courage...guts...intestinal fortitude...