TIME...it's something people complain they don't have enough of but often take for granted when they're given too much. this past year i've had the pleasure of attending 8 weddings. a lot of people in my place would've probably choked themselves after the 3rd or 4th matrimonial celebration, but i loved and cherished every minute i got to witness. for those 8 couples time was definitely of the essence. having been given this chance, this day to publicly dedicate themselves to each other in front of their families, friends and God, they epitomized the Carpe Diem attitude so many people walk pass, many people like me.

last sunday i came home from san diego, having spent another fun-filled weekend with friends, tired and ready to pass out. as i pulled into the driveway, i noticed the number of cars parked on our side of the street, which you're not allowed to park on. and up the stairs from the garage i climbed, duffelbag, pillows and such in hand, psyched to take a shower and hit the sack, when i saw people were gathered in front of unit #3 (i live in a 6 unit townhouse). as i turned the key in the doorknob, the ambiance became curiouser and curiouser. mom and dad met me at the door and i knew that something had to have happened with the look of disdain in their faces. one of the sons of our neighbor had just exited the freeway to come home at 3 am on friday night, accompanied by his two friends. for a reason i am still unaware of, his car flips over to the other side of the road and burst into flames, killing him and his friend sitting in the front instantly and hospitalizes his friend sittting in the back. his parents were away on vacation in australia when this happened and came home on the earliest flight they could get. i don't even think they were told their son had died at the time of the phonecall. he was only 24 years old, engaged to be married in 2004. he has an older brother, 26, who's married and a 21-year old younger brother. he was literally 3 blocks from home.

all week i've been retelling this tragic story, sometimes wondering why then realizing it's because i don't know how else to deal with it. i mean, i didn't know him at all. we crossed paths around the building every so often, giving way to the other when we're coming in and out of the garage, but that's as far as our co-existence went. his family and friends have been coming to his house for the last week to lend their support and carry out their sympathies to his parents. my grandparents and my parents went to pay their respects too and i SO wanted to go, but couldn't get myself to when it came time to walk 15 feet to their door. my mom says his mom couldn't stop crying, and who could blame her. a parent is never supposed to bury their child.

two weeks ago, my ninong's father passed away in san francisco and tonight my aunt called to let us know she and my uncle are leaving for the philippines tomorrow because his father just died. granted, these two men had lived their lives; they saw their children get married and were fortunate enough to spend time with their grandchildren. but what about the 24-year old who was 2 minutes from home when an uncontrollable force took away his chance at being a husband and father?

we all live by a thread, never knowing when the weight will be too much. and just when it becomes more than it can carry...SNAP! our lives are done, with no second chances to leave off from. everyone's thread is a different thickness, a different density, thereby giving us all various limits of resistance. but only Lord knows the whens and hows of our end. and until then i hope i can learn how to live knowing that the next minute may be my last; that every morning i get to make my bed is a treat more than it is a chore; that every time i sit and have dinner with my family is a moment to value rather than a time to hurry thru; that every chance i get to pick up a friend for coffee is a pleasure more than it is a hassle; and that every second i have to myself is never lonely time, but thank goodness i'm alive time.