Tuesday, December 13, 2005


I haven't really been feeling the holiday cheer lately. I used to be ready for Christmas the very day after Thanksgiving, blasting my *NSYNC Home for Christmas cd the moment I woke up, awaiting the moment I could drag our fake Christmas tree and all the glitter and glow of garlands and ornaments out of our basement storage and into our living room. But this year, though fortune has smiled of late in the form of self-discovery and opportunity, I have yet to wrap one present and the thought of rummaging through an address book to write out holiday cards makes me want to shut the blinds, turn off the lights and stay in bed waiting for 2006 to come around.

Tonight's event hasn't done much to revive my spirit. After having dinner with Fernand in celebration of our last day of class, I was backing out of my parking space when this car came out of nowhere and met door to spare tire with my car. The girl, crying, angry and obviously in a bit of a shock was not forgiving, yelling, "What the hell are you doing! Didn't you see me coming?! Oh God my new car!" With a final in half an hour, there was not much I could do to let her know how sorry I was...how sorry I was she didn't see ME COMING OUT OF THE PARKING SPACE! Thank goodness Fernand was there to give me re-assurance and thank God for this girl's friend who could've been a real ass but wasn't. We exchanged information, then Fernand and I drove to class, and now here I am in the school computer lab writing out my frustration because after calling my insurance company tonight to report the accident, I'd rather just not talk about it.

There's a million and one things to let my mind wander about, but I'll try not to and will most likely get through with prayer. I was just WAITING for something bad to happen, as life has actually been kind to me these days. This is a test, I know it, to see if my level of trust in this world and in that which lies ahead of me is a sign of my growing faith, or a way to fake my way into accepting what comes my way.

Oh boy...what a bah humbug way to end the semester.

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