THE HANDMAID OF THE LORD
So for the last few weeks, I've been a real Ebenezer Scrooge/Grinch, for a number of reasons. First, not having much to spend on gifts, then getting into that accident, then getting so sick I couldn't stand or sit up, then trying to finish a slideshow (which was not an easy task since I'm not, well, Cile. he he…); I was just feeling really blah about everything. It sucked because for as long as I can remember, Christmas was always something I looked forward to.
A melancholy holiday it has been for me, though, chanting the first section of Faith Hills's "Where Are You Christmas?" in my head:
Where are you Christmas? Why can't I find you?
Why have you gone away?
Where is the laughter you used to bring me?
Why can't I hear music play?
My world is changing. I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too?
Where are you Christmas?
Do you remember the one you used to know?
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go?
…instead of *NSYNC's Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays: “It’s a wonderful feeling. Feel the love in the room from the floor to the ceiling. It’s that time of year. Christmastime is here.” What bothers me is that feeling this way during this time of year is something I'm not used to. I've always loved writing Christmas cards to people who I don't get the chance to speak with often, or shopping for and then wrapping gifts; from sweaters to packets of holiday candy enveloped in bright colors of red, green, silver and gold foil. As simple-minded as it sounds, Christmas really was the most wonderful time of the year for me. That magic that fills the air during this season, I felt that from Thanksgiving Day until January 1st. This year has been more difficult though. I've been pouting and crying (much to Santa's dismay I'm sure), lethargic and passive, waiting for the year to end so I can start over.
But, as usual, some "things" came just in time to help me get over myself. These "light bulb moments," as I like to call them, appeared and affected me in many ways. The one that broke through most effectively, however, came in the form of a Tuesday night homily. Our priest reminded us about Mary's story; how, when the angel Gabriel appeared and told her that she would essentially be the MOTHER of all mothers, Mary said nothing more than, "I am the handmaid of the Lord. Be it done to me according to God's word." And then I remembered something I blogged about a few years back, about having faith that things happen for reasons that at the time of encounter are often unbeknownst to us; and though it sucks not knowing the hows and whys of it all, the best way to “get a handle” on things, is just to believe that you’ll be okay no matter what happens.
Faith is what Christmas is all about. Faith in knowing that a great king would not arrive in a glitzy caravan of trumpet sounds and the roar of the crowd, but be born in a manger, swaddled in the love of his young mother and carpenter father. Faith in seeing the hope inside the despair, finding the greatness through the bleak, rediscovering the innocence of a child through the hardheadedness of an adult.
May faith keep us all...
(Wow…that wasn't meant to be so long. I thought I'd mention also that the other thing that snapped me out of my bah-humbug was seeing Edwin's dog, Tyson, in a crocheted holiday sweater. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!)
(Andrew and Chris look! It's Monica's biggest pet peeve). HAHAHA!