PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE (Or a royal pain in the rear)

Have you ever had to say things to yourself (or to other poor, unfortunate souls) repeatedly, hoping that if you said it enough, you'd actually START to believe whatever it is you're trying to convince yourself of? Yeah, I freakin' hate that, especially when I've been struggling with something for so long and, desperate for relief, fool-heartedly convince myself into thinking I've got everything under control. More often than not, I find myself much later twice as confounded as I was before.

I'm in weird place; lately trying to figure out where I belong in this world, in other people's lives - where I belong in my own. I'm not happy, not sad, not satisfied, not desperate - just here, kinda wavering. It's emotional ambiguity at its finest! There are times when the positive energy in my life is so explosive I can hardly believe it. And then there are other times when I feel like everything I look at or everything I touch will turn to dust.

It's like I'm here waiting unconsciously for something to happen. I don’t exactly know what it is I seem to be waiting for, but it’s SOMETHING that will change everything – I KNOW IT. I don’t want you all to think that I’m one of those people static in all aspects of life just hoping for good fortune to rain on them. I’m not letting life just pass me by. In fact I think I’m being active in many cases and I’ve actually got a handle on what I’m doing. But sometimes the most well-intended instances of self-reliance can turn into vain misfortune when the UNconscious waiting turns conscious and I realize that I have absolutely no idea, no direction and no plan as to WHAT THE HECK I’M DOING HERE.

So here comes the age-old saying, “Good things come to those who wait patiently.” Rochelle used to say that to me all the time. In fact, she wrote that in 3 of my high school yearbooks. It’s easy to take in, but 50 times harder to put into practice. Fortunately, I believe that everything happens for a reason. My troubles today, will be my comic relief in the future, whatever that may be. Guess I’ll find out…in good time

IN GOOD TIME
(from the Wedding Planner soundtrack)
By: Jessica Sheely

We can make believe
That everything makes sense
And there's no need to worry now
Cuz you're not like all the rest
Leading with only your heart
A new day arrives
And it's only the start
Of something already here
The sky's open
And it's perfectly clear

It's all waiting for you
You can take the world
And give it your own name
It's all been waiting for you
No matter what you find
You will never be the same

Smile for the picture, my dear
It's another day, another dream
Another new year
And who knows what you'll find
But it's all coming 'round
All in good time

When you're standing alone
Facing the darkness of the unknown
I know your light
Will never fade away