JUST A LITTLE FED UP

Have you ever gone through an ordeal that was less than pleasant? An ordeal, in fact, which took up so much of your energy that at the end of it you can’t figure out how you came OUT of it with sanity and emotions still in tact? Then you hope and pray that it doesn’t EVER happen again, at least not in the same hurtful way…and then you let it happen a few more times? When does the vicious cycle end?

I’ve been analyzing and re-analyzing my theories lately. I haven’t done a thing but look back on various times in my life when the seemingly purest of joy and discovery often turned into poisonous despair and regret. I’ve been saying, for about a month now, how I am the creator of my own destiny, and that there isn’t one thing that’s happened to me that I didn’t help bring upon myself. So I vowed to make a change, and so excited was I when I made this decision. Armed with self-trust and new hope, I set out on this figurative journey of change, ready to salvage and capitalize on whatever was left inside of me . I was ready to take charge of my life.

But I felt my first tinge of doubt yesterday and then again today. What happens when you seem to be reverting back to your old ways? What if you can’t decipher your thoughts and actions quick enough and you’re right back where you started from – nowhere. Heaven help us!

I’m just grateful I can have 2 hour 20 min conversations with a good friend to help me deal. I’ve been feeling pretty “bleh” these last two days and I think it’s because I’ve accumulated enough bottled up emotion to fill a football field. But there’s a remedy for that, talking...and crying. I’m barely learning how to utilize my sources now. It's funny the clarity that comes with experience.

Anyhow, Happy Friday everyone!