MY GROWN-UP CHRISTMAS

I've been telling people these last few weeks that I haven't been as excited about the holiday season as I usually am. Maybe it's because I had school taking priority earlier this month when I would usually be sending out Christmas cards and making lists of holiday things-to-do. Maybe it's because I don't have sufficient funds to spend on presents for everyone like I was able to before. Or maybe it's because this quarter-life crisis theory has truly penetrated its way into my psyche and Christmas just isn't what I remembered it to be: a day of opening beautifully-wrapped boxes of new toys we couldn't wait to play with, or receiving envelopes that were filled with more money than we'd ever know as a child, or getting a new outfit to wear next day. That's what I remember.

But this year is different. I wasn't so much tearing open wrapped packages as I was wrapping them. I don't receive envelopes anymore because, well, I'm a working woman now I suppose (Funny how this is still doesn't solve any money issues for me but anyhow). My point is, I realized that now, more than ever, I feel contentment in watching other people enjoy Christmas, especially children. (Just look at Kelsoe in his Santa hat! Who can resist smiling at this vision?) It's been such a long time coming. Not until this year did I experience Christmas as a grown up, giving more than I receive and being just fine with it. It's an amazing feeling actually, one that I never understood until recently. It's the whole getting older business I think.

I was standing in the family room at my aunt and uncle's house in Palmdale on Christmas day, watching the Laker-Heat game with my cousins and uncles (a game which they could've won danggit!) when Matt turned to me and said, "When the hell did these kids (our younger cousins) grow up?" And we just kind of laughed about it. But that whole day I couldn't help but think back to what it used to be. Matt and I used to be the only two children our family had here in the states. We were the kids who got a ton of presents every year, and the ones everyone fussed over all the time. But now Matt and I are the older ones (THE eldest cousins here to be exact but whatever – HUSH!) and we're the ones fussing over and trying to catch up with the kids around US. We joke around that getting on in years sucks, but I think deep inside we think it's kinda cool (right Matt?). Things are different now and I welcome the change.

Christmas this year was filled with more answers to prayers and more evidence of faith than I could ever hope for. It was more about sharing a love and appreciation of togetherness as a family than it was sharing a love for materialism and wealth. This Christmas was more about re-forging and rediscovering the bonds of friendships than it was holding on to bitterness and pride. This Christmas was just MORE and I couldn't be thankful enough.