REBUTTAL

I encountered some rather interesting ideas today about “girls and their fragile hearts” and I’m compelled to talk about it myself. No, I’m not an expert on relationships or dating and I don’t hold a PhD in the Mars vs Venus phenomenon, but I’m a lady who knows my way around (and back) when it comes to heartache and the sometimes incessant desire to long for another who doesn’t share your same magnitude of emotion. I agree with a lot of what my friend has to say. Yes, sometimes when a person (not just girls, my friend) is interested in someone, the level of uncertainty is pretty prominent. Uncertainty about how the other person feels about you, the ambiguity of their actions and words, the questionable intensity of each side’s emotions, etc. I think this uncertainty is why people pull back in the beginning of things. They’ve entered into this situation that makes their stomach turn at the mere thought of this girl or guy; a situation that gives them chills at the slightest physical contact. I think they pull back if only to see things from a more objective point of view after having been heaved into this emotional vacuum, more often than not, hoping to gain more perspective before they dive in at full speed. I think they’re just trying to find SOME assurance in the unsure.

And yes, heartache is temporary, but that’s the individual heart’s choice. If a heart wants to heal, there is no doubt that it will. But if it wants to be broken, it has to be allowed to be so for as long as it needs to realize that all its pieces still work when it’s put back together. I’m not gonna defend people who wish to marinate in their self-pity (which is the residue that heartache often produces). I used to be one of those people and I hated myself for the time I thought I wasted. But the proverb about time is true. Sometimes that’s all you can depend on to heal the wound. And how else are you gonna learn if not to make mistakes such as this, no matter how monumental it is. The bigger the mistake, the bigger the lesson.

Excellent reminder on the regret thing. I agree with you about that 100%. It CAN lasts forever if you let it, and Lord knows the millions of “what’ifs” that can surely torture you thereafter. But not everyone is equipped to get screwed over fifty times and still be able to go out and fight the same way. Regret is an emotion. Although abstract, it’s still as damaging to the soul as it is can be to the heart. But you can’t tweak emotion like you can a machine. What you can do is tweak how you act when you experience it. Not having to live with regret doesn’t just mean taking chances on every opportunity that comes to you. It also means taking the regretful situation, learning from it and then using it to create more opportunities. Easier said than done, I know, but at least you can’t say you didn’t try to rid the regret right? Making lemonade out of lemons?

And the advice for girls who don’t seem to realize that a guy isn’t interested in them after they haven’t called back? Instead of avoiding phonecalls, emails, textes, etc, why don’t guys just tell girls TO THEIR FACES that they don’t like them? Is honesty really too much to ask for? Most of the time, that’s all we need to hear to get us going down another road – away from whoever isn’t interested in us. Girls’ hearts aren’t as “fragile” as many seem to think. I think you mean sensitive. Fragile and sensitive aren’t interchangeable. Sensitivity reflects awareness of what’s happening around you. Fragile indicates ease in destruction in the face of disaster and the inability to be rebuilt. Sensitivity indicates an ability to be responsive to what’s occurring around you. Fragile to me sounds like a difficulty to stand firm when we’re being knocked from all sides. Sensitivity is a keenness in judgment, ability to make choices based on your surroundings. Fragile channels feebleness or frailty. There’s nothing fragile about a woman’s heart. We’ve been criticized for being too fat, not pretty enough, not smart enough, too smart, naïve, etc. We’ve had our hearts broken by dishonest men who didn’t have balls to speak truth to our faces. And still here we are, having taken chances on the men in our lives (brothers, boyfriends, friends, husbands, etc) who have the courage to love us enough to be truthful.

Who do you guys claim you turn to when you need to talk about feelings of love or need comfort from the rain anyhow? You go to your homies to help you talk about how you’re feeling? You go to your girlfriends and galpals to aid you through the emotional load and we’re always happy to do it! Just please don’t ever use the word fragile to describe us ever again.