modus operandi [moh-duhs op-uh-ran-dee]

mode of operating or working; The way someone does something; a characteristic method

Synonyms include: M.O., approach, process, technique

I heard (or rather finally took notice of) the phrase, "That's your M.O."watching Sister Act 2. Whoopi Goldberg said it to a pre-Fugees Lauryn Hill. Thereafter I heard it everywhere - on tv, in more movies, etc. I tried to glean meaning from the context and the more I heard it, the more clued in I got into what it meant. It's the way you handle situations, the way you work, your unique system of operating.

Each of us has an M.O. - our own way of handling and reacting to life's moments of joy and daily nuisances. Our M.O.'s are often our saving grace (read: excuse), as in, "She can't help it. This is how she is." Ironically, it's also frequently the one thing we'd like to change about ourselves but are too afraid to for fear we will suffer consequences of self-destruction if we choose to be other than who we're so used to being. Oh if only the human condition came with an instruction manual so we wouldn't have to figure it out for ourselves.

These past few weeks for me could've done with some written instructions, not to mention a few cautionary bulletpoints to match. My M.O. was in fragmented disaray, as ableness was crushed by the hands of uncertainty, hope fell at the feet of despair, and community sought only seclusion. My M.O. in the face of challenge was a desire to shut down, shut out, and cave in.

Whether it has been financial difficulty, seemingly-continuous car problems, or just plain heartache, I realize how often and how quickly I am forced to choose a mode of continuance - a plan. My mistake this time around was fearing it was too late to have one.

Maybe my new M.O. should be to suck it up and just get on with it.