COMING HOME

I, who live by words, am wordless when
I try my words in prayer. All language turns
To silence. Prayer will take my words and then
Reveal their emptiness. The stilled voice learns
To hold its peace, to listen with the heart
To silence that is joy, is adoration.
The self is shattered, all words torn apart
In this strange patterned time of contemplation
That, in time, breaks time, breaks words, breaks me,
And then, in silence, leaves me healed and mended.
I leave, returned to language, for I see
Through words, even when all words are ended.
I, who live by words, am wordless when
I turn me to the Word to pray. Amen.
- Madeleine L'Engle

The mantra of our retreat this past weekend was “Coming Home to Days,” and an appropriate theme it was, as Dayzers from batches past, present and future gathered to re-live a unique experience that we can never truly leave behind.

This is the third retreat I’ve attended, and for whatever reason, every single time I’ve been given the opportunity to go, I feel an inconceivable apprehension. I always WANT to go but somehow always find reasons that would prevent my participation. Whether it’s doubt, fear, prior engagements, etc, I always seem to find obstacles looming in my conscience and I end up deliberating a great deal before I finally decide to go. I’m sure people go (or don’t go) for different reasons. I discovered that I’ve often been unsure because I know that the retreat will enable me reflect on things in life which I find so easy to ignore when I’m enraptured in my cloister of obligations; “duties” I’ve come to categorize as distractions sometimes.

But the Lord always has a way, doesn’t He, to remind us of faith we forget to turn to in time of need? Because although the 57-mile trip from Glendale to Norco on Friday evening was spent thinking of the two birthday celebrations I’d be missing, I was reminded, rather quickly upon my arrival, what a gift the weekend was going to be. It won’t be easy, I heard inside. But it will be worth it, I was promised. God’s word, announced in the most fearsome thunder or whispered silently in the breeze, is a guarantee I question shamefully more than I should.

This weekend was indeed a gift, for I was consoled with a familiar serenity found in the company of kind faces and comforting voices; discovered in the stories we told and listened fervently to; and enlightened by quiet prayers of the heart. I don’t get the chance to talk to these newfound blessings on a regular basis, but when I do, it’s always like coming home. I never feel like a stranger, even if I haven’t spoken to these newfound friends in months, or spoken to them AT ALL. Having shared the unique experience that we did, it’s another genuine friendship that is truly blessed by God.

The only downside of this weekend is that I never know when I’ll see these faces or hear these voices again. So until then, take care and God Bless: Noreenie, Mina, Dorothy, Dee, Jilly, Flo, Angie, Tricia, Chris, Cristina, Reg, Kay, Seashelle, Dana, Shelby, Francia, Marites, Leo, Jay, Derek, Arlene, Dexie, Pia, Jerome, Emely, Kuya G, Kathy, Ray, Gian, Mel, Jei, Sonny, Jason, Chinky, Pampy, Norman, Brian, Analyn and Lovette! Welcome Cicely, Joyce, Toni, Gemmie and Rica!

If I missed anyone, my short-term memory sucks but know you’re in my thoughts. Hahaha…did I just do a shout-out? THAT’S SO HIGH SCHOOL!

B.I.L.