(I found this post sitting as a draft on my dashboard Weird. I never published it. I guess I got distracted before I hit the "Publish Post" button. I didn't wanna waste it so I'm posting it now, delayed thoughts as they are.)

poignant [poin-yuhnt]
affecting or moving the emotions
Synonyms include: emotional, touching, sentimental

I never considered myself much of a crier. I mean, I'm not a robot, my heart's not made of stone, but I never pegged myself as someone who could shed tears on cue. Occasionally, however, something tugs at my heartstrings and next thing I know, I'm crying because another downtrodden family has gotten a new house from Extreme Makeover, or Apolo Anthon Ono is looking up at his dad who is waving his arms in the air with pride, or Staples Center is raining down confetti for the champs, or Jake let Tenley go on the Bachelor.

I know, it's been so long since I've blogged and I'm choosing to write about The Bachelor. Well, I actually do enjoy watching these things. I realize the rate of longevity of the couples in these reality tv shows are questionable when the show is done airing, but most times, a part of me really hopes it works out....sometimes. I guess it depends on whether, in my personal opinion, I think the Bachelor or Bachelorette made the right decision...in my eyes. It's funny what third, non-involved viewers can see that the participants don't get to until the show's been edited and aired.

Anyhow, I was welling up when Jake let Tenley go. I felt bad that she really believed this last rose ceremony would end in her happiness. I welled up, watching how understanding and strong she was, and I was angry that despite her basically getting dumped, she was the one comforting the guy who had hurt her. I cried because I knew how she felt.

I know how it feels to believe in something or someone and then, most times without warning, feel betrayed by, not the person or situation, but by your own stupidity, delusions or plain oversensitivity. You spend as long as you feel is necessary to be angry, sad and bitter, and if you're lucky, you're surrounded by nurturing people who do nothing but support you, no matter how difficult you and your murky aura are to be around. Eventually, however, you need to clear your air and no one else is capable of doing that but, well, you...or in this case, me.

Tenley did something after Jake dumped her in that final episode. She cried but she also looked...kinda hopeful. Like she decided, then and there, drowning in her sorrow, that she wasn't going to let him or this situation ruin...her. Anyhow, that made me cry because she seemed like a nice gal who was only hoping for something to go her way and I thought she got (I don't know how else to express this but), screwed. Not by Jake, not by the show, but just by fate. It wasn't her destiny to be with this fool forever but it didn't make it any easier to deal with...but she dealt with it and now she's on that new show, Bachelor Pad. I'd say she's doing okay...