Monday, August 18, 2008

confidence [kon-fi-duhns]
1) full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing; belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance; 2) a confidential communication
Synonyms include: backbone, certainty, fearlessness, belief, credence

For a long time (longer than I’d like to admit), I thought confidence was something you were given; something you are rewarded each time you experience any type of victory or accomplishment; something that only the few were worth of. I learned eventually that true confidence comes from nowhere and no one else but within. In light of the Olympic games, I just can't help but watch in admiration and awe. Having witnessed every athlete gain confidence with each medal they've won, or gain greater confidence despite falling short, I beg of myself this question: In what state does MY confidence lie?

My initial answer is that it's just's great in fact! But damned if I can't help lose some of that gusto when I fail to get something done, fail to be someone I'm supposed to be or fail to AVOID being someone I'm NOT supposed to be. FAIL FAIL FAIL...that's been my greatest fear since the first time I ever got rewarded for something I did right. As sweet as victory feels after a seemingly heartbreaking defeat (which comes in endless forms and circumstances), I sometimes can't help wondering when I'll meet failure again thereafter.

But going back to these Olympic athletes...I think of everything they've had to sacrifice and I think of the number of times they must've failed and wanted to give it all up. Then I see and, good Lord can I also feel, their victory (I've been a hot mess since August 8th, crying every chance I'm given), and it makes me want to throw all my petty issues and confidence breakers out the window because I know how good it will feel when my failures turn into more than I could ever have imagined.

I have a calendar hanging in my cubicle, with each month a beautiful photo of a landscape and beneath each image is an inspirational quote. Under a breathtaking view of a lake and a mountain, August's quote appropriately reads:

"A champion is a dreamer that refused to give up!"


markie said...

Glad to see that your internet connection is back up and running.... I was missing my word-of-the-day.

ANNA said...

i'm blogging from work actually. haha! and YAY you finally put a comment!! =)